0:02

Hi, I'm Kristen with an E, and this is Talk with Kristen with an e. A place to slow down. Be honest, without having all the answers and feel a little less alone together. Let's talk it out.

Kristen 0:21

Hey everybody. Welcome back. So it has been a minute since it's been just you and me here talking together. Past several episodes, I have been with friends and guests. I have some other guests lined up that I'm very excited about, but for today it's just you and me. So today's topic. I'm hoping it's not gonna be all over the place, but I haven't completely planned it out. It's something I have been thinking about for a little while. Probably longer than a little while. Like even in season one, I thought this might be something that I would talk about, but. I hadn't figured out exactly how I wanted to do it or how it kind of fit in. So as it was coming up to record to. Today I was like, all right, so maybe today is the sometime that we're finally going to talk about it. So all this lead up and like it's not even gonna be that exciting or I've hyped it up too much that you're going to think it's even more exciting than it is. But what it is, is I started to think back on my childhood. Which according to my son was like millions of years ago when the dinosaurs roamed the earth. I was thinking about kind of the people that made me who I am, and I don't necessarily mean the people in my family, although I had amazing role models and my grandma was very, very special to me. But I was thinking more about the people that I saw on TV and movies. And the impact that it had on my life. And the reason that came up is because as I'd been thinking about it, I started looking at the characters that either I had emulated or had kind of felt close to, and how they kind of turned up in my life, even now as an adult. So let's just dive into it then. I remember as a child, one of the first characters that I felt I really related to was Punky Brewster. It was one of those shows from. The early eighties, you know, kind of like an after school kind of show where there would be a kind of. Situation Punky would have to deal with or get out of and with her and the help of her friends, it would end and there'd be like a happy ending at the end of the episode. And not all the time, I mean, honestly, the whole premise of Punky Brewster is kind of a sad story. So she was with her mom. Her mom left her at a shopping center, grocery store kind of situation. And she, and. She found a dog, or she and her dog, Brandon, ended up kind of as squatters and staying in this apartment building in an empty apartment. And then Henry, who was the older gentleman who was like the superintendent of the building, found her and then ended up taking her in, and then Punky and Brandon lived with Henry. And there was, the whole dynamic was Punky was this little girl, and Henry was this older, crotchety kind of old man. And then there was her best friend, cherry, and she lived with her grandma. So Cherry's grandma was in the building. And then there were the friends from school like Margo and Alan, it's a great show. You should go back and watch it. But the impact that Punky had on my life was just her fierce love for her friends and kind of her can-do attitude. She would often say Punky power, and it was kind of her own. Despite everything she'd been through in her life, she had this confidence about her that she was almost unstoppable. And if you've watched Punky Brewster, there were some episodes that really stood out that in my forties now I still remember vividly. There was the one where they were playing hide and seek, and then Cherry got into an old refrigerator, or like old refrigerator or old freezer that was outside. And it got locked and she was trapped in there and that was kind of scary. And the other one was with the Challenger explosion because it happened kind of right around the time Punky was on. So there was this episode of Punky really wanted to be an astronaut, and then the challenge or explosion happens while they're at school. And there's dealing with the aftermath from that and kind of how you know the children. Dealt with that, and especially Punky who wanted to be an astronaut and what this meant for her. But the other thing about Punky, aside from her confidence and her punky power and her love for her friends, she also like really didn't care what anybody thought about her. And I don't necessarily mean that she didn't think about that, but like she would wear mismatched shoes and just these kind of really wild outfits and it's just, she was so sure of who she was. That it didn't bother her. Like she didn't care what people thought about what she was wearing or what she was doing. Like that was just her. And I love that. And I feel like that kind of ended up staying with me even later in life. Like I've gone through different stages of fashion in my life and I would go through, I mean, okay, let's take a step back. I have never been like a totally trendy person. Like my parents were really big on being frugal and budget friendly, so I didn't have like name brand clothes till I got my own job. And, and I went to private school my whole life, so I didn't get an opportunity to kind of wear a lot of the styles when they were popular. So in my adult life, there's been different trends and fashion stuff, but I've kind of always just stuck to wearing what I like. And I got my first pair, of sparkly blue Kate Spade kids, and I fell in love with them, like sparkly shoes was my thing. I got them in silver and gold and black basically. I had a pair of sparkly case fake heads to wear with almost every outfit I have for work. And I kept joking like. I wanna be known as the girl in the sparkly shoes. Like, do you remember, this is probably another character I should have included in this, in this, episode also, but The Confessions of a Shopaholic, the book by Sophie Kinsella, phenomenal. Like it was the book that got me into loving Sophie Kinsella books, but they made a movie about it and it was pretty close to the book, like the movie's good. I'd watch the movie again. And, the main character, Becky Bloom wood, she's looking at this scarf and it's a green scarf and you have to watch the scene in the movie 'cause it's so good. And she's like, I just need to have that scarf, like I need to be known as the girl in the green scarf. And that kind of stuck with me because when I got these sparkly shoes, I was like, I need to be the girl in the sparkly shoes. Like when people reference me at work, I want to be like, oh, do you know Kristen? Kristen? I dunno. You know, the girl in the sparkly shoes like. I realize it sounds so silly, but that's like one of the things that I really wanted to be. So, I would wear my sparkly shoes. But the reason I wanted to connect that back to Punky Brewster is because I know that's not the typical thing. Like people in general are not wearing sparkly shoes to work. I, however am, and I'm trying to make it my personality, so I just feel like Punky kind of gave that permission as little girls to just do your own thing, care about your friends, and just be confident in who you are. And I don't think that I had a whole lot of confidence in my younger days, as we've mentioned in a few other episodes, like I struggled a lot. With insecurities and I still do now at 42 and a half or whatever, like they're different insecurities, but I still deal with those. But it's something that we can learn from Punky and her punky power just to believe in yourself and that you can do anything. And it doesn't matter if you shoes match or if there's sparkly shoes, you are still special as you are. So Punky Brewster was one of my first role models. Another one. And. I am trying to go in kind of the order of when I met these people. Yeah. Not in real life, but when they came into my life and kind of became a role model. And even that word is a stretch. They're like characters that I connected with. So after Punky Brewster, it was Mary Tyler Moore now, as her character of Mary Richards in the Mary Tyler Moore show. Now this one is interesting because, the Mary Tyler Moore show is even older than Punky Brewster. So clearly I was not watching Mary Tyler Moore when it was first on. I was catching it more and Nick and Knight reruns and this was probably, I can't say exactly what age it was, but it was probably, you know, like in that pre-teen to teenage time is what I'm thinking. I was really big into the Nick and night shows like. Really big. I also loved Get Smart and I liked Agent 99, but like that was never really like my go-to character. Mary Tyler Moore. Mary Richards was my girl. Like I loved her and I think part of the reason I connected with her so much was because I wanted to be a journalist. Like that was my whole. That was my entire goal in life. I wanted to be on the news, like I wanted to be the girl out of the streets, like reporting live and being like, back to you in the studio, Bob. Like I wanted to do that. And then after I did that for a while, then I wanted to go be Barbara Walters, you know, like. I'm Barbara Walters, and this is 2020 like I wanted to be that so bad, um, which I think I mentioned before, but I really did, and I do think I would've been good at it, but that's another story for another time. We're talking right now about Mary Tyler Moore. And so the premise of this one is Mary Richards. It's, she kind of just goes off on her own, which in the seventies that was like a huge thing. Like people weren't doing that, or not on the regular, I don't think. You know, it was, you get married, you have babies, you're a wife, you're a mom, you clean the house, you know, it, it wasn't that long after like leave it to beaver type shows, right? So it was huge for Mary to just go off into the big city and get her. Job in the news and live in her apartment by herself with her best friend Rhoda, who, that was another thing, like I wanted a friend like Rhoda. I wanted a neighbor who just came over and was also my best friend. Like there were so many parts about Mary Richards that I really connected with, journalism and her independence was again, just how she believed in herself. She was in a field that at that time was mostly men. You didn't see a lot of women in the newsroom. It wasn't something that happened a whole lot. And so here she was on her own making a name for herself, doing the thing, and it was phenomenal. And again, one of those shows I would still go back and watch again. Like I absolutely love it. But I think that I connected with Mary so much, not only because of the journalistic. Kind of path that I thought I was on was just because it really helps give me a figure to see that as a young girl, I could grow up and do anything I wanted. Like nobody was going to stop me and. I, it didn't matter what field I went into, if it was a male run field or if it was something, a place where maybe I wasn't supposed to be because girls don't do that job or something like that. Like I never once thought that I couldn't do whatever I put my mind to. And I do think part of it was because of Mary Richards and seeing her out in the big city, living her life doing the thing, and to connect that to my life Now. It's interesting because, the field that I'm in, I think there were parts of it that may have been more male dominated in the past. And I came in as a, you know, young girl and have climbed the corporate ladder or whatever and doing the thing. But I think the part of it is seeing that. Mary didn't let people get in her way. Mary still was confident in herself and her abilities, and she never questioned her being there like she knew she belonged there. And I think that that's something I was able to take when I joined the working world is to look around. And even though if I didn't look like all the other people in the room, that didn't mean I didn't belong there. And maybe that meant I had to work a little bit harder. But I was going to do that because that's what Mary Richards taught me to do, that you work hard, you have your friend Rhoda, and you can live in the big city and be independent. So, yeah, Mary Tyler Moore as Mary Richards was my second role model character that I felt that I resonated with. So one, not too dissimilar for, from that. And I do think I've talked about this one on the podcast several times. There was a whole series I was gonna do last season about Ell Woods's energy and I just didn't get around to it. So for now, yes, we are talking about ELL Woods. So Legally Blonde is one of my favorite all time movies. Like I will watch that. Over and over and over again. It's like the way I tell people when I know it's my favorite movie, it's if it's a movie that I can watch over and over and not get bored or like, it's a movie that like, oh, if it's on, I have to watch it if it's on. So Legally Blonde is one of my favorite movies, and L Woods is one of my favorite characters. Like you can see I have a type, like there are characters that I am drawn to, right. But L Woods, she was one who, here she is, runs into a little bit of an issue with Warner breaking up with her because she's what? Too pretty, too blonde, too whatever. Both problems I have never had, but you know, it happens. Um, and then she didn't let that stop her. Then she worked on getting into law school study, took the lsat, got a high grade, then went to Harvard Law. What. Like it's hard. And then out shown Warner in his own program, I mean, talk about a little bit of girl power, but again, like l was the kind of character that even when people didn't believe in her, like they didn't think she should go to law school. She was someone, again, like Mary, who had a close circle of friends who believed in herself, who went out and did it. And I think, you know, when Legally Blonde came out, it was, was it 2000, 2001? It was around that timeframe. So I'm like, you know, a senior in high school or starting college. It was at a pivotal moment in my life where, you know, I had just been coming off the Girl Power movement anyway, because, you know, we had Spice Girls, like we had a lot. Of. I don't know if monumental is too strong of a word. We had a lot of role models and Girl power was a huge movement. I mean, you know, a little bit later I think, I don't have my timelines all lined up, but you have Beyonce and you know, or Destiny's Child at the time, you know? I think Kelly Clarkson had an independent woman song too. Like there were all these very powerful women songs about We don't need men. We can do whatever we want. We are powerful girl power, all of that. And I think. That Elle Woods was kind of there around that same time, which again, kind of showed like, you don't need a man. You don't need a man to hold you back. You don't need a man to tell you you can't do it. You don't need any of that. Like believe in yourself, put in the work and be amazing. And the other thing again. Because there's connections with these women also is Elle Woods was very into being her own person. She was wearing the pink when everybody else was drab, and she didn't care because that's what she wanted to wear. And it was her personality and it was who she was and she owned it. And she didn't minimize herself for anybody or change who she was because of what she was. And. When you look at that, and again, kind of compare it to Punky Brewster and wanting to be the girl in the sparkly shoes, and I remember a very specific moment where I started my big girl job. I was 22 and a half, so literally right out of college. And I remember sitting in one of my orientation classes and looking around and seeing all these people that were probably old enough to be my parents. Some of them were mid-career, later career. And I'm looking all around and here I am in my little skirt and I swear I was like, so L Woods, like I felt like I was L Woods. Around all these people. And I really do think I had like a pink fuzzy pen that I might've had with my notebook too. I can't remember, like that's how I picture it in my head. But I don't know if that actually happened or if that's just how I'm remembering it. But I do know that, I definitely felt like I was L Woods with all these other people. And here's the thing, I didn't really let that stop me like. I kind of acknowledged, okay, I may not be like everybody else, but I'm still me, which is a good attitude to have. And I remember I had taken a course, probably about two years after that. So I'm 20, 24, maybe let's say I'm between 23, 24. And it was a class about, women in the workplace let me just get to the point of the story. So afterwards, I asked the, the instructor, I said, Hey, I'm really looking for ways that I can be taken more seriously in the workplace. And let me put more context of what I meant. As I mentioned my first big girl job, I was by far one of the youngest people in the workplace. I was, not the only female, but it was a more male dominated older field that I was going into. And so it wasn't that I was. Necessarily taking seriously as a woman, but more as a young woman, more like I'm right out of school. Like these people, they still look at me like their daughter, like, how can I be taken more seriously? And the instructor had looked at me and she was like, well, for one, you could change what you're wearing and lower your voice, or something like that. Like she basically change who you are. And I was like, oh, okay. Thank you. And I left and I sat in my car, which you know was a Volkswagen Jetta because that's on brand. And I was like, why should I have to change who I am? And I remember, I do think I had told her too before I walked out like, well, I have a degree in communications. I had an entire semester on voice and articulation. Like there's nothing wrong with my voice. And my outfit, I remember exactly what I was wearing and it was adorable. So I had on this little, kind of like Aline black skirt, came about to my knee maybe till my, my middle of my knee. I had on a little sweater with an argyle print right across the front of it. Keep in mind this like 2007, 2008, it was very, very, you know, still preppy. Stylish, right? And then I had on. Knee socks, which they didn't come like the whole to my knee, but they were like taller, like cute little argyle socks that matched the argyle pattern on the sweater. And Little Mary Jane's with like little crisscross straps on it. It was adorable. Looking back now, okay, maybe it had a school girl feel, but like that wasn't what I was going for. Like to me it was a preppy, preppy, cute girl outfit. I looked adorable. So it bothered me because the other women that I had seen in the workplace. And I say this with the utmost love and respect to those women who taught me so much and I appreciate very much, would wear like pants, kinda like, you know, navy blue pants or khaki pants or gray pants, like plain pants and a shirt and then like a cardigan, like a big kind of chunky. And I remember even thinking like, oh my gosh, when I get like to my forties and fifties, am I just gonna be this frumpy old lady at work? I will let you know that here in my forties I still try to wear cute clothes, but not the point I am getting. So off track here, the point is it really hurt my feelings that that woman made it seem like I had to change who I was if I was going to be taken seriously. And I thought back to El Elwood who kind of receive similar feedback. And didn't let that stop her. She still showed up in her pink suit. She still had on her cute shoes. She still carried Bruiser around with her, her little dog. Nobody was gonna stop Ell Woods from being Ell Woods, and she was still going to be successful. And therefore, nobody was going to stop me and make me change who I was because I was still going to be me and show them that I could still be successful being who I was. PS I was, and I am. But anyway. So the final character that I really kind of resonated through then my teenage and young adult life was Felicity. And this one I think has come back even more because I have been watching reruns. It's still a great show. Like if you have not watched Felicity, let me tell you. So Felicity, the premise of the show, Felicity Graduates High School and she. Her parents have her whole life. Planned out for her. She's going to go to medical school there nearby at a school in California. She's gonna grow up, be just like her parents, be successful, be wonderful. They've got it planned out. She, however, changes that plan. She travels a boy she had a crush on in high school across the country to a school in New York, and then later ends up changing her major from pre-med to art or something else. Um, oh yeah. And the whole reason she. Follows that boy who she'd never even really talked to in high school. It's because he wrote something, some message to her in her yearbook and she was like, that's it. This is what I'm doing. I'm following this boy to school in New York. And then it kind of follows her life and her friends' lives through their four years of college. And I don't wanna spoil it too much for you, but she does date the boy from high school, then she doesn't, and she's dating the ra. And then there's a lot of like back and forth and watching it. Now as an adult, it's definitely a different perspective, but the character, Felicity on her own is somebody who was very. Emotional, and I don't mean that to be taken in a negative way. 'cause sometimes you can say, oh, women are so emotional and it ends up being a negative thing. And it was not. It was just that she had a lot of feelings and she paid attention to them and she had her intuition and she didn't, again, you know, kind of the recurring theme of all of these, you know, characters that I felt connected to. Is that she didn't let somebody else's plan be the plan for her life. She still knew what she wanted to do and went ahead and did it and had supportive friends. And there were things she went through that she had to figure out, but she always found a way to make it happen. And so while I don't necessarily know that I felt, as strong of a connection with her as some of the other characters I've mentioned, there was something that I still felt so relatable with her and, I was thinking about the female characters that I connected to throughout my life and kind of what I learned from them and what I took to them into my current adult life. She was definitely one of them where I just felt like, she's somebody I would've been friends with, somebody that I kind of saw myself in. So all that to say, something that I kind of wanna do going forward is hear from other people, like what were the characters that you resonated with when you were younger, and what kind of impact did that have on you later in life, and what lessons did you learn or what did you take from it? And I'm sure like everybody has a story. There's somebody that you watched on TV and you're like, yeah, I could do that. Or I wanna be that, or. And like I said, to kind of wrap mine all up, mine was really seeing women, girls who didn't let people stop them, who didn't live in boxes they were put in, who didn't change who they were, and were able to still accomplish what they wanted to do. And that's what I would encourage you. As we're kind of learning and growing together and letting go of insecurities and building more of our confidence is to go back and look at who you were when you were little and what you believed then, and what your goals were and where you are now, and kind of what changed or what connects you still to that little girl and just kind of thinking about things like that as I've mentioned, I've taken away a little something from all of those characters. I do believe I can do anything I put my mind to. I am confident that I can survive and even thrive even if it's in a male dominated environment. I will continue to wear my pink and my sparkly shoes and not change who I am for anybody. I will continue to pay attention to my feelings and care for others and just be everything I was meant to be. So I think maybe this turned out a little bit more organized than I was afraid it was going to be all over the place. At least I hope it kind of made sense and maybe you remembered something or connected with something that made you think of something so. That's all for now. I am sure we'll dive more into this because I am really trying to get more into kind of talking about confidence and how we can be more confident and teach confidence in others. So look forward to some upcoming episodes on that. But for now, just thanks for being here. And again, reach out and let me know who were some of the characters that you connected with. All right. Bye guys.

Speaker 26:15

Thanks for spending this time with me. I hope this conversation made you feel a little less alone. Take care of yourself and I'll talk with you soon.