Speaker: 0:07

Hi, I'm Kristen with an E, and this is Talk with Kristen with an e. A place to slow down. Be honest, without having all the answers and feel a little less alone together. Let's talk it out.

Kristen: 0:25

Hey everyone. Welcome back. I'm so excited today. Emily and I are in the studio recording so, first of all. Hi, Emily Lee. Welcome back.

Emily: 0:35

Hi, Kristen.

Kristen: 0:36

Oh my gosh. We have been talking about this for what, like six months?

Emily: 0:40

For a

Kristen: 0:41

long time. Probably since the last time you were here. We've gotta get you on the podcast

Emily: 0:44

life.

Kristen: 0:44

So here we are. I'm excited because I think what we wanted to talk about today, since it's new year, maybe new us new whatever.

Emily: 0:53

Yes.

Kristen: 0:54

Instead of, okay. Actually let's back up a minute. So it's a new year, but you've mentioned that you are not really into New Year's resolutions. Is this true?

Emily: 1:01

Correct.

Kristen: 1:02

Okay.

Emily: 1:02

I just feel like people throw'em out there and it's not like a tangible thing that you can actually. Like achieve in a year or it's just the fad thing to do. And so I've just never been into things like that.

Kristen: 1:16

Well, and my thing too is they always feel very trite. But it's like, oh, new year I'm gonna lose weight, I'm gonna save more money, I'm gonna spend less. And it's like, those are just things people just throw out. And it's not, like you said, it's not achievable, usually like

Emily: 1:29

Like surface level things. And then. Oh, when I don't get it, it's okay.'cause

Kristen: 1:34

Right.

Emily: 1:34

Just do it again next year.

Kristen: 1:35

Right. It's the literal same things all over again. Well, that's why instead of resolutions, I focus on goals, like things that I want to achieve during that year.

Emily: 1:44

Mm-hmm.

Kristen: 1:45

Little did you know, a few years ago one of my goals was to perform in a dance recital. Thanks to you. I did. And then last year it was dance a duet with my son, which again, thanks to you I did. So actually, Emily, you helped me achieve my yearly goals.

Emily: 2:00

Well, that's awesome.

Kristen: 2:02

But I think you said you're doing something similar this year because you're doing a year. Bingo.

Emily: 2:07

Yes. So I'm doing a 2026 bingo, and I just jotted some things down that. Are realistic that could happen to me this year or to my siblings or to my friends, things that we could do together. Recording a podcast is on that.

Kristen: 2:22

Check off that box on the bingo board

Emily: 2:24

to color that one in tomorrow.

Kristen: 2:26

Okay. That, that's what I was gonna ask, like, did you actually put it out in a bingo board? Okay.

Emily: 2:30

I did.

Kristen: 2:30

You're coloring them in?

Emily: 2:31

Yep. I. Like with a ruler and everything. Drew little boxes and filled each box in.

Kristen: 2:37

Oh wow.

Emily: 2:37

And then it says 2026 bingo at the top.

Kristen: 2:39

I love that.

Emily: 2:40

A full bingo board

Kristen: 2:42

now, and you've got like prizes along the way if you win, like are you gonna win? Bingo. Are you doing this with anybody else?

Emily: 2:48

I am not doing it with anybody else. It's more of just a feel good about yourself kind of thing.

Kristen: 2:53

Yeah.

Emily: 2:54

Or prize wise, I did punch cards.

Kristen: 2:57

Oh.

Emily: 2:58

So I have read 10 books. Okay. And I can buy a Kindle. So that's my little bribe.

Kristen: 3:04

Oh my gosh. I'm excited about that

Emily: 3:05

so

Kristen: 3:05

if you need any books,

Emily: 3:07

yes.

Kristen: 3:07

I can offer some to you. You have a whole library. Yeah. Well that's exciting. So what else are you doing for the year?

Emily: 3:18

I have decided that I like the idea of doing ins and outs.

Kristen: 3:23

Okay, so explain this concept to our listeners.

Emily: 3:26

I had heard other, like influencers obviously talk about things that they're getting rid of this year and things that they're bringing in this year. Mine are more mindsets like I want to. Be at home and cook at home.

Kristen: 3:41

Mm-hmm.

Emily: 3:41

And so even if that is just like preparing a meal from a box, it's still cooked in the home.

Kristen: 3:49

Mm-hmm.

Emily: 3:49

Yeah. We're not going out to eat this year. We can socially go out to eat, but we're not going out to eat just to do it.

Kristen: 3:54

Right. Because it's so easy to get into that like, oh, I'm coming home from work, it's so late. I just wanna pick something up. I don't wanna make anything.

Emily: 4:00

Yeah. So I have a couple more. You just wanna run through'em?

Kristen: 4:05

Tell us what your ins and outs are.

Emily: 4:06

So, my ins and outs of 2026 are, we're buying what we need.

Kristen: 4:11

Okay.

Emily: 4:11

So we need to do away with the over consumption.

Kristen: 4:14

Mm-hmm.

Emily: 4:14

We need to use the products that we have in our home first before we buy new. And then thrift what you can So that. I'm already a big thrifter.

Kristen: 4:26

Yes. So I was gonna say, can we make that thrift what you want? Like buy what you need and thrift what you want because I can get behind that one.

Emily: 4:35

Yes. I actually started a thrift wishlist in my phone.

Kristen: 4:40

Oh,

Emily: 4:40

fun. So it's just like things I want to try to find mm-hmm. At a thrift store. And so I, hopefully I get to check those off. But a couple other ends are weekend trips. You know, life is gonna move on. So you might as well just do like the little things that keep you happy. And if you are cooking at home and saving money where you can, then you can take more weekend trips and more experiences. And then a big one is supporting others. So I really wanna build other people up this year.

Kristen: 5:08

Mm-hmm.

Emily: 5:09

That's a big one.

Kristen: 5:10

I love that idea.

Emily: 5:11

Yeah.

Kristen: 5:11

Now, before we go to your outs, can we talk about your ins

Emily: 5:13

yes.

Kristen: 5:14

Okay. So I wanna go back to your thrifting one about your little thrift wishlist. Mm-hmm. Is that what you called it? Right. So I love that idea. Like anytime I go into an antique store mm-hmm. Or a thrift. A thrift store. I think in my head, like what I want to see there, like what I want to find. And I feel like because I'm a weirdo, that like part of it is manifesting if I'm like, okay, I really want to find, for a while I was looking for brown boots. I'm like, I really wanna get some brown boots. Okay, let's go in. And then I would, I'd still go through my usual little, through the aisles of goodwill and then I'd get to shoes and be like, are there brown boots? And there usually weren't any brown boots. But stuff like that. Or if I go to an antique store, I'm like, okay, I'm looking for this specific, whatever. Because otherwise I feel like I get lost.'cause I will go through antique stores and I will look at everything and scan each booth, but it's scanning, looking for something specific.

Emily: 6:05

Mm-hmm.

Kristen: 6:06

So I love that you have a list like that. That's super fun.

Emily: 6:10

I think about it as like putting it out in the universe

Kristen: 6:12

yes,

Emily: 6:13

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Kristen: 6:13

And there it'll be.

Emily: 6:15

I'm

Kristen: 6:15

What are your outs then?

Emily: 6:16

My outs, they are drinks at home, so we're not doing like alcoholic beverages inside your home. You can drink socially, but we need to have a reason to do that, which I'm not a big drinker anyway. Mm-hmm. So that's a easy one for me, but I know a lot of people struggle with that. And luckily, Like I said, I don't have that issue, You can get in that habit of, well, I had a stressful day at work, so I'm just gonna like take the edge off.

Kristen: 6:42

Mm-hmm.

Emily: 6:43

Not in our home. You are gonna find a different way to deal with it.

Kristen: 6:46

I love it. do you remember Maybe a few years ago there was this thing, like there were talking about how like. It was this big thing where women were all about like coffee in the morning, wine at night. Mm-hmm. And it was like becoming like very socially acceptable. Like that's just what you did. Like women could be out walking and they'd have a cup and you don't know if it's wine or water. Like I had friends that would go on wine walks. Mm-hmm. Like it was just standard and it. Come out. I think it came out that like that's kind of not healthy for you. Like you shouldn't be doing that. Not only is it not great for you, but like your mental health too. If that's how you're coping with things.

Emily: 7:21

Yeah.

Kristen: 7:21

Then you are not learning good coping skills. It's just the coverup and it's more important to learn how to deal with stuff. But it is so easy to get stuck in that. But that's not. It's not a good thing to do.

Emily: 7:32

Yes.

Kristen: 7:32

Alcohol out of the house,

Emily: 7:34

not in the home

Kristen: 7:35

until your husband is like, I'm gonna be home late'cause I'm at the bar'cause you won't let me drink at home.

Emily: 7:41

that's what I'm hoping that we can make a pact together.

Kristen: 7:43

Okay.

Emily: 7:44

Not drinking,'cause we're stressed.

Kristen: 7:45

Right.

Emily: 7:46

But. So drinks at home, that's an out for 2026.

Kristen: 7:50

Okay, I like it.

Emily: 7:51

Next one is worrying about what other people's opinion or perception of you is.

Kristen: 7:58

I I don't know that I'm ready to talk about that one. Let's keep going.

Emily: 8:01

Absolutely. Working out to lose weight. Yes.

Kristen: 8:06

Mm-hmm.

Emily: 8:07

We are working out because it makes us feel better.

Kristen: 8:10

Mm-hmm.

Emily: 8:11

And a good coping mechanism.

Kristen: 8:12

Yes.

Emily: 8:14

the only reason I'm going to the gym or the only reason I'm eating healthy is so that I can get skinnier.

Kristen: 8:18

Mm-hmm.

Emily: 8:20

That does so much more harm than good.

Kristen: 8:23

Yep.

Emily: 8:23

So working out to lose weight, that's an out.

Kristen: 8:26

So I love that one because I have been, I don't know that I considered this one an out because I saw it more on the inside, which I know we didn't get to my list yet, but. One of my ins is accepting the body I have and dressing for the body that I'm currently in.

Emily: 8:41

Absolutely.

Kristen: 8:41

And it's the same kind of thing because I, and I've talked about on the podcast too. I've struggled with my weight as an adult and I go back and forth with that. I need to work out and be skinny to the body positivity. I love my body and all that it is. And I'm at the point now where it's like. This is what I have. So I've bought clothes that fit the body. I have now, I wear outfits that make me feel confident. And this is what I have. I don't want to feel like I'm punishing who I am and what I am in this day. So it's the same thing. I have a workout plan. that I That I did not start in January because I'm like, the gyms are gonna be so full because everybody else with their New Year's resolutions. So I gave myself Grace on January.

Emily: 9:21

Mm-hmm.

Kristen: 9:22

And then in February I'm gonna go and it is a light one just to kind of build up more my strength and my stamina so that like I can walk up flights of stairs or have really good sexual relations without getting tired right away. So those are my goals.

Emily: 9:38

Yep.

Kristen: 9:38

So I love that, that, yeah. And if you've seen Legally Blonde, you've seen Legally Blonde, right? Mm-hmm. So working out gives you like happy endorphins, and then happy people don't just kill their husbands. Yeah. So it wins for everyone really.

Emily: 9:53

You're mentally happier. You're gonna start feeling physically better.

Kristen: 9:56

Yeah.

Emily: 9:56

Without that dread of, well, I'm not seeing any movement. Yes. So I, that is something that. Just in the last couple months I've really been struggling with. Mm-hmm. And so I bought some new jeans.

Kristen: 10:07

Mm-hmm.

Emily: 10:07

I bought some larger shirts. And I'm dressing the body that I'm in. I have to accept that I'm a woman now.

Kristen: 10:14

Yes.

Emily: 10:14

And i'm not a teenage girl.

Kristen: 10:15

Yes. Welcome to the Land of Curves.

Emily: 10:19

It's been fun.

Kristen: 10:19

So fun.

Emily: 10:21

We'll figure it out.

Kristen: 10:22

We'll,

Emily: 10:23

so that's an out working out to lose weight. Just to make ourselves feel better.

Kristen: 10:27

Yep.

Emily: 10:27

Switching the narrative there. And the last one I have is yucking. Someone's yum.

Kristen: 10:33

Tell me more.

Emily: 10:34

So I have, I don't try to judge people. My face, it just

Kristen: 10:40

comes naturally.

Emily: 10:40

My face lets people know that I might not agree with them. So really working on that, just because it's not something that I like, doesn't mean that we still can't do it together, because that's also how we build relationships.

Kristen: 10:53

Mm-hmm.

Emily: 10:53

So just because I don't wanna do it doesn't mean that it's not a fun activity for somebody else. Right.

Kristen: 10:59

I love that. And I would almost take it a step farther than not yucking on someone else's yum is even saying something like, even if it's not a shared activity, if somebody says something and they're really excited about it, be excited for them too. Yes. Which I think goes back to your end of supporting others. Yeah. Like if you're really excited about. Running a marathon and I'm like, oh my gosh, that sounds miserable.

Emily: 11:19

I would remember that.

Kristen: 11:19

Well, it's an example because you and I have a lot of shared hobbies, so I've gotta think of something that you would be excited about that I really wouldn't be. I'm not gonna be like, oh my gosh, Emily, that's dumb. Like, you really think you can do that? Like that's really far. In my head I'd be like, not for me. But yay for you. I think that's fantastic.

Emily: 11:36

Well, that was my ins and outs of 2026.

Kristen: 11:38

I love it. So it's funny that you brought up ins and outs today because I had seen something on the Book of Faces and it was a strawberry short cake, and it's like little orange, orange blossom, and they'd made a 2026 ins and outs. So at first, I'm gonna share these because I wanna see how close yours are to what Strawberry Shortcake says for her in and out. So in celebrate little wins. I think that's a big one.

Emily: 12:06

Yeah.

Kristen: 12:07

Digital detox. Although I watched a YouTube video that said like, digital detox don't actually do anything. Because you are not actually, okay, I'm gonna get this wrong, so don't quote me on it, but the video I was watching said that like, when you actually detox something, it's to get it out of your body. Like if you were on drugs and you went to rehab to detox, it would be to get it all out of you. But like digital stuff is not something in you. Like there's no actual physical ailment. Mm-hmm. It's all more like the mental emotional part. So you can't. Actually, like, it's not a literal detox. I, I don't know, but you can do it more self-care. reading before bed. I have been doing that one almost every night so far this year. Nature walks, that's a good one. And daily affirmations. Do you do affirmations at all?

Emily: 12:56

I do not. Um. I know a lot of people who do. It's just never been something I've gotten it

Kristen: 13:01

I have little mantras, which I'll talk about in my ins, but I don't have those. Okay. So outs. I think these are good ones. Negative self-talk an out. We're not gonna do that anymore. We're not gonna talk negatively to ourselves. Overthinking. This is not my list too. For the record, people like I will still continue to overthink same cluttered spaces.

Emily: 13:24

I like that one.

Kristen: 13:25

Holding grudges, forgetting gratitude, And trying to be perfect.

Emily: 13:33

Yeah.

Kristen: 13:34

Samesies. So I think mine, I have some overlap with yours and some of those too. I know for, one my, I'm I'm gonna give them where it's kind of like I've got the yin and the yang, like they're kind of opposite each other. Mm-hmm. So for in, okay. For in, it's going to be the the more positive self-talk. Like I realize that my confidence is still not where it should be. I guess like I feel like I kind of exude confidence sometimes when I'm still super insecure. Mm-hmm. On the inside and it's because of the negative self-talk. So my out is negative self-talk and my in is being more positive and confident with myself. The My next one is out. Is my My outside out with the meaningless doom scrolling, which I mentioned this a couple times and what is in is more deliberate time on my phone. So what I mean by that is like. The doom scrolling. I think we all know what it is. I think we've all got stuck at it some time and all of a sudden you're like, oh my gosh, two, three hours have passed. I'm still scrolling. So I'm getting away from that because it's not good for anybody really. And what I'm doing is being more deliberate with my screen time. And what I mean by that is I'm kind of keeping an eye on myself like I will. I've been very strategic of I will open Facebook. Or Instagram and like check my notifications. And then on the Facebook app, I'll click on the friends thing where you can see just what your friends have posted and a couple swipes. And I'm like, okay, we're good. And I close it back down, and then I go to Instagram, check my notifications, and then do a couple scrolls or go through a few of like my close friends stories. Okay, we're done. And I'll do that, sometimes in the morning and evening. And so just be more like deliberate about my time on my phone. And it's been so good this week, you know how you can scroll over and you can see your screen time and how much time you've spent. Facebook isn't even one of my top ones that shows up anymore because when I am on my phone, I am in Google and I'm researching something, or like, I've been working on planning a trip for my book club this year. So I've been in VRBO or Airbnb and looking at places. So it's like I'm researching when I'm on my phone instead of just. Scrolling. So being more deliberate about my screen time,

Emily: 15:46

I like what you said about clicking on your friends when you go to Facebook. Because I have noticed so many ads and groups and groups you might like to be in.

Kristen: 15:55

Mm-hmm.

Emily: 15:55

And you just miss out on the, like seeing the people. Yes. And that's what Facebook was supposed to be all about. Yes. Was like seeing your people. So I like that. Like that mental, Hey, I'm just gonna look at my friends. Yeah, not everybody else.

Kristen: 16:09

And I feel bad because I feel like I'm missing out on some people's lives and it's, I don't feel as bad about it. And I told a couple people, like I told my one friend, I was like, Hey, I wanna let you know I'm not being on Facebook as much. So if I don't see something or I don't like something, it's not because there's anything going on. Because I also have friends that are overthinkers and sensitive people. And I'm like, it's just because this is something I'm doing for me. Like I'm not going to. Beyond all the time. So I may have missed a few things here and there, but I really haven't noticed, and I'm probably gonna do a whole episode, like a deep dive on this sometime. But yeah, that's what's in and out for now. My statement for the year is peace over chaos. So in is peace out is chaos. And what I mean by that is at work, especially towards the end of last year, everything was just spiraling. Like everything was an emergency. Like we need this and we need this right now. Oh wait, you need to do this. Oh, and we need this too. And so and so, and like people will just send things out without even thinking about it. And then just like, oh my gosh, okay, let me do this. It's ridiculous and nothing at our job is that important. So this year I am focusing on peace over chaos. And if something comes in, I look at it and I figure out what actually needs to be done, what's a four? What's the intent? Where does it stack in the rest of my priorities? Can I do it? Do I need to give it to somebody else? And just again, be more. Thoughtful about how I'm doing things and I think, my friends at work are getting sick of it because I am to your, to the point about affirmations and I said, I have mantras instead, I have said peace over. I don't know how many times I say it in a day. Because I am really trying to lead by example and to get other people on board too, because there's just so much unnecessary stresses we have in our life. And not even just in work, even like personal life or things you get going on, sometimes you just gotta take a step back and be like. Is this really this important? Can I choose peace in this moment instead of spiraling into things?

Emily: 17:59

Yeah, I like those.

Kristen: 18:01

Yeah. So those are mine. But I do think there's a lot of, if we can go back to the one that I said I didn't wanna talk about on your list, if we can talk about it briefly, how did you word it about not worrying about people's thoughts or perceptions about you?

Emily: 18:17

I said worrying about other people's opinions or perceptions of you.

Kristen: 18:22

The way you phrase it is very interesting because their opinions and their perceptions are all on them. That has nothing to do with you.

Emily: 18:33

Yep.

Kristen: 18:35

how are you gonna do this? Because, I need some help in this area too. Or we can talk about things we're doing. How's this going?

Emily: 18:41

I am still working on this because I am a people pleaser.

Kristen: 18:45

Mm-hmm.

Emily: 18:46

Or you say recovering?

Kristen: 18:47

I am. I'm working on it

Emily: 18:49

again. I'm working on it too. So we're recovering people pleasers in this group. Um, I have to just remind myself and a lot of times it's work related. I have my job for a reason. I've been doing it for a long time, and what they think I should be doing might be what they think and might not be what works.

Kristen: 19:11

Mm-hmm.

Emily: 19:11

And because I am in the position that I'm in, I know what's going to work. So I need to just let them think one thing and then let it play out.

Kristen: 19:20

I agree with that. And do you find sometimes though,'cause I know for me, when I worry about what other people are thinking about me, it's not actually what they're thinking about me, it's what I think.

Emily: 19:32

Yes.

Kristen: 19:33

They are thinking about me and as I have been diving into this,'cause this is something I am also working on, you know, the statement that like. People don't think about you. Mm-hmm. Like you think about you more than anybody else thinks about you and what you think they're thinking about you is you projecting your insecurities that like, oh my gosh, they must be thinking about this thing because this is something I'm insecure about. Do you find that that's one of your things too?

Emily: 19:58

Yes. I think I am worried about what they're thinking about. And like you said, 90% of the time they're probably not thinking about me. So the perception part of that is my projection of, I am insecure and I am worried, but they might not be at all.

Kristen: 20:15

Right. It's like if you have a zit or something on your face and you're like, oh my gosh, everybody looking at, everybody sees it. They probably don't even notice it because they're busy worrying about their own face or what they've got going on. Mm-hmm. But it is, it's still hard. So we'll work on those together. All right. All right. Well, I feel like this is a pretty good starter episode for people to think about. Like, what are you in about on 2026 and what are you out about on 2026? So any other final closing thoughts that you'd like to share with the listeners of how maybe they can decide what's most important for them to keep in or what they should push out?

Emily: 20:54

Think about your day to day. And things that either can boost your day to day or that you drag about. So things that are pulling you down, those gotta be your outs.

Kristen: 21:07

I love that. And I love how you went like very like micro level, like let's do this day to day.'cause when I was thinking about, I'm like, I'm thinking macro level. Like think about who you wanna be at the end of the year and what do you need to be in and out with along the year to get you there at the end.

Emily: 21:22

And have a great year.

Kristen: 21:23

All right. Well, thank you so much, Emily. This was fantastic, and I cannot wait for us to talk more about all this stuff and more.

Emily: 21:31

Yes. Thanks, Kristen.

Speaker 2: 21:37

Thanks for spending this time with me. I hope this conversation made you feel a little less alone. Take care of yourself and I'll talk with you soon.

21:47

I.