Kristen: 0:36

Hey everybody. Welcome back for our final installment of our virtual book club. Today I have Kelly and Alexis here. Hi, Kelly. Hey. Hey, Alexis. Hello. in case you forgot we are discussing the book Perfect is Boring and Tastes like Kale by Jess Johnston. today we are going over the epilogue and some overall questions about the book So if you haven't read the book, you're still gonna learn a lot. And if you have read the book then you may wanna think of some of your answers for these questions too. But first we're gonna go over the epilogue'cause we didn't get to it last week. So Alexis, I remember when we were talking about this last week, you were looking forward to talking about the epilogue. what were some things that stood out from this for you or something that you'd wanna share with us?

Alexis: 1:30

I really just liked how the epilogue was written. I think it was a really good, tie up of everything and it kind of condensed it, I love a good epilogue where it ties everything together and it just puts a little bow on it, and that's how I felt the epilogue was. I don't necessarily have anything that stood out because she just wrapped up a lot of the book there, but I just really liked it. I felt like it was really well done.

Kristen: 1:52

No, I agree. Especially with saying wrap it up. I felt like it kind of took everything she had just spent, you know, breaking down all the lies in the previous chapters and then was basically like, but here's the pep talk friend as you go out and live your life. So I agree that it was really kind of a wrapping it all up and putting the bow on it. Kelly, what did you think?

Kelly: 2:14

So I really liked the epilogue also, and I actually highlighted, It was almost one of the last lines. she said, I think if we get quiet and listen, maybe we'll hear all of us cheering for one another. And I love that. it just kind of made me think back over the whole book and even just over our conversations and similar conversations I've had with other people, and just the fact that if we are willing to slow down and get vulnerable with each other. So many times you're gonna find people who are able to sit there and say, me too. And there's so much power in those words. that last little line about if we just get quiet and listen, we're all going through the same things. We all have the same struggles. when it comes to things like the lies that the book covers. I really liked that.

Kristen: 3:10

Well, and that's a good lead in to what I highlighted. So I highlighted three little sections and it says, the first one was, I hope you make your own table and that you invite others to come and sit a while. I hope you do it in exactly your way. there's other people that are going through the same things. And if we would be vulnerable and open. We'd find those people. And I love that because so many times we wait for other people to find us. Like where are our friends? Who's going to include us? But we can just sit at the table and invite people to us, and I loved that. And the other thing she said that I'd highlighted was, I hope you feel empowered to be the kind of woman you've always needed in your life to champion the women around you and to create belonging rather than search for it. Which again, goes with that too. how often, at least I know I have Where are my friends? Where's my try? Where's this thing I'm supposed to get when I'm an adult? instead of looking for it, I could just go and create it on my own. that seems so powerful and I love that. I feel like that's even what we've done with virtual book Club. We've created this community and the listeners who are following along with us and tuning in week after week, I think we've built that too, where we're all saying, yeah, me too. And bonding over that The last thing that I highlighted that I love, she says, I like your sparkle. I like your quirks. I like your pizazz. I like your style. And to me, as the girl in the sparkly shoes, I was like, yeah, you like my sparkle. Of course you do. it felt personal and I feel like that's the message we need to give other people too. calling out what we like about people, validating them, making them feel seen, and inviting them to. To come along this journey of life with us, and I just loved, loved all of it.

Alexis: 4:55

I think that line was specifically for you, Kristen. It was just perfect. It was, Jess clearly

Kristen: 5:00

wrote it. She's like, Kristen's gonna read this book and this is what she's gonna need to hear. And it was so good. the publisher did put out questions over the book and I've been saving them to the end so that we would have read the whole book so we could answer all of them. listeners, I'll have these posted on my social so you can see the questions and come up with your own answers we're gonna go over these questions and, we're not all gonna answer all of them, but we're gonna kind of share our thoughts and would love for you to reach out and share your thoughts with us. the first question says, with this book, Jess Johnston shares the story of how she went from a girl who hated her flaws and was at war with herself to embracing the imperfect woman she is today. Talk about whether her life experience resonates for you and how. Alexis, what are your thoughts on this one?

Alexis: 5:53

Well. as we've discussed through this whole book, there was so much that resonated. I would sit there and as I was reading I would be giggling'cause I'm thinking, oh my word. I can relate to that so much. and so much of her life experience as far as things that she struggles with or encounters, I have at one point or another dealt with or currently, you know, are dealing with. So there's really resonated with me. And I think through the book some of the things that, she's kind of, I may have worked through on my own already or like I'm working through now. So I definitely related and just so many stories. I think probably even just the people looking at me one or dancing, like those really resonated with me.

Kristen: 6:42

The second question kind of goes along with that too, and it says, what does perfect is boring, have to say about living authentically without apology. Take a moment to discuss what radical self-acceptance looks like to Jess and to you. So I really like this question because, living authentically is something that I've been preaching on the podcast about. You know, for me, trying to be my authentic self, but also to accept other people's authentic self, I love how Jess portrayed it from all the different things, the different chapters of, you know, I don't do this because nobody does this, and the comparison ones, and just figuring out who you are I always come back to the story about, dancing in the grocery store because we've talked about how I will do that in Walmart Not being afraid of who you are. And I think that's kind of what it comes to sometimes is those fear of being afraid of who you are or being afraid of what people would think about you if they knew who you were Like there's so many different parts to figuring out who am I, what am I about? What do I want people to see? What am I putting out in the world? And just being okay with all of it. the part of this question that says, radical self-acceptance. I think it's accepting all the parts of you parts that even you think are flawed may be. Not actually flaws, and people may see them in something that they appreciate about you or something that they look to for you, and you can be an example when you are comfortable in your skin and living out loud accepting who you are, that can translate into other people being more accepting of themselves too, I need people to like me. it's probably gonna be something I struggle with forever, but I feel like I've moved on from not worrying so much about if other people like me, but being okay that I like me and understanding that I don't have to be perfect, but also what is perfect. Kelly, I think it was you last week who was talking about, what is normal? my normal is different than your normal. just being able to. Accept myself and accept other people as they are. I think it would make the world a better place if we were all just okay with who we are and who everybody else was. Does that make sense? yeah, definitely.

Kelly: 9:03

I think that leads well into the next question too, about what does being real mean to you? and how, if at all, does the book inspire you to take a closer look at yourself and learn to like what you see?

Kristen: 9:19

Oh, yeah.

Kelly: 9:20

you were hitting the nail on the head with that just with what you were saying about. Not worrying so much about what other people think or if they like you, but being confident and comfortable with who you are. for me, when I think about this question and what does being real mean, I just think of not having to perform when I'm in a room of people I have sat in rooms and around tables where I felt the need to perform and portray myself in a way that would be acceptable to those people. and not even necessarily in a bad way, like a weird peer pressure kind of way, but just wanting to hide my quirks for me, the biggest thing about being real is finding the people where I don't feel any of that pressure to perform. I can be 100%. Myself, not afraid to show the little weird things about me and not worrying if they're judging me there are people out there for you and if you can find those people, It erases all of that pressure.

Kristen: 10:40

Well, yeah, and again, not to harp on the Brene Brown video that I always talk about, but that's exactly what she says about the difference between fitting in and belonging and fitting in how you're trying to change yourself to fit in with whoever you're around. Whereas belonging is because you actually belong there and you're just, you're whole authentic self. Belongs. And I think that that performing piece is hard because I've seen something else on social media that says, pay attention to how you feel after you've been around people. if you find that you are exhausted and mentally tired because you've had to put on an act or hide who you really are Those aren't your people. find the ones that you feel exhilarated with, that you come home and you're like, that was the best time ever. Like, where did the time go? And that's really what it is. I a hundred percent agree with what you're saying.

Kelly: 11:33

Yeah. That reminds me of a thing I just sent my friend that was like a little Instagram thing. and it basically said something like. Every time we're together, even if we're not doing anything and just chatting when it's over, everything in my world feels better. that is so true of that friendship for me and with some other friendships as well. Like you said, you can either hang around people who drain you. Or you can hang around people and you don't have to be doing anything special, but when you walk away, you can feel so fulfilled from that time that you spent together.

Kristen: 12:13

Agree. So that kind of goes along with this other question too, where it says, women struggle with feeling that they're not quite enough. Why do you think women are so hard on themselves? In what ways does society's emphasis on perfectionism affect women differently than men? Alexis, thoughts on this one?

Alexis: 12:36

I think, we can just talk about the beauty standards when it comes to women women have been on magazines or TV as models, and there's this. Idea that you have to look a certain way, the beauty industry purposely targets women to be like this. And so I think there's some of that. But I don't think men, there's maybe a little bit more now than there used to be, but I just don't think there's the same type of that constant between ads and grocery store magazines and even just sometimes on TV shows Women have to look a certain way. So I think there's that plus, I think as a society, women typically, and this is changing a little bit but typically, you know, women are. Working. Plus they also are responsible for a lot of what is done at home and taking care of the kids. And there's just so much pressure to get it all done. working and taking care of kids, there's just not time for everything. not saying that, fathers don't do that, but typically. There is more put on women at home with the kids, plus they're working. And I just think it's kind of unrealistic in this idea that, well, you can have it all, you can have a career and Kids and do it all you might be able to do it all for a while, but you are gonna get burned out and sometimes you have to let it go. there's more pressure on women, whereas men can just go to work, even if they have a family. mom typically takes care of them. At least that's how I've seen it among my friends and even a little bit amongst myself my husband, he does well. If he has to go to work, I'm gonna take care of the kids and stuff at home. that's how I see it, there's just not that societal pressure for men like that. it gives this, like you're keeping up with the Joneses. Well, she does this so, you know, do I, I, if she can do all that, I can do it all. the reality is. She's probably not doing it all, and she's a different person. Her strengths are different than yours, I think it breeds this idea of perfection that isn't realistic and isn't there?

Kristen: 14:49

Agree. And I would go back to talking about even beauty standards and take it a step further about like body stuff. Because you know, we've seen it even more recently where dad bods are praised, right? Like, oh, that dad bod, that's so attractive. And it's like my husband has a dad bod and it is attractive and I very much enjoy it, but at the same time it's like. I kind of have a dad bod and like,'cause I've got a belly and like that's not praised, right? Because women are supposed to still be, you know, tiny and, you know, prim and proper Like women, make sure you're working out. Women. Make sure you're losing weight. Women don't eat too much like women. Make sure you keep your curve, you know, have curves, but don't have too many curves. Like have children, but don't let your body look like you had children. there's so much put upon women. When it comes to beauty and body standards, which I don't think men have it as much now, I still think that there are men who have similar insecurities, you know, oh, maybe their muscles aren't enough. Maybe they do have, a little bit of fat places they don't want my husband, using him just because he's the man I'm closest to, when he shaves his beard, his face is. Not as attractive as when he has his beard. We have had these conversations multiple times and he's like, you think I have a fat, ugly face when I don't have a beard? I'm like, I've never said. He goes, you have, you've said, my face looks fat when you don't have a beard. I'm like, well, it does. He's like, yeah, because you think I have a fat, ugly face. I'm like, you don't have a fat, ugly face. It just looks better with a beard. I also grow my own facial hair because I'm in my forties now. I do not look as good with my beard. so I keep plucking it. It feels like every day beauty standards. But again, the point is

Alexis: 16:33

can I relate to all?

Kristen: 16:36

It's true, standards are a little bit different for men and women. I do think men have some insecurities though, I don't wanna say that all men are able to, have dad bods and they're all okay with it. I do know that they still struggle with it also, I just don't know that it's at the level that women are because it's thrown in our face so much more We often compare ourselves to our friends or random people. I do think that's hard. the part of the question saying like, why in case, I haven't said it enough, it's social media. If we didn't see. All the other people living their quote unquote best lives, we wouldn't feel so crappy about ourselves. to your point, women are expected to have a job take care of the kids and do all the activities, it's because we see this girlfriend over here. Posting all the activities she's doing with her kids and her full-time job and her home is super clean. Like we're seeing this because people are putting that out there, real or not. Our brain interprets it as if she can do it, then I can do it even if she's not doing it. And that is something our parents are grandparents generations before. Didn't have, they may have known what their neighbor was doing. Thus the keeping up with the Joneses phrase, but they didn't know what Patricia across town was necessarily doing, and they didn't know what Beverly in Wichita, Kansas was doing because they didn't care. That wasn't on their radar. They were focusing more on them. If we get back to that and just focus on ourselves and who we are and what's going on in our family and not worrying about what everybody else is doing, whether it's real or not real,'cause it's probably not, I think it would be a whole lot better. And I think that's kind of what the book was getting at the end. Agreed. I get so passionate about this, you guys. Perfect is boring. Emphasizes the importance of choosing a messy, meaningful, pleasurable life over striving for a just so curated one. How can we incorporate the mindset into our daily lives and encourage others to do the same? Does anybody wanna weigh in on this one first?

Kelly: 18:45

So again, not to. Harp on social media again, over and

Alexis: 18:51

over again. But here we,

Kelly: 18:53

I was thinking the same thing. do I do it? Do I do it? Freaking Zuckerberg's gonna think we're

Kristen: 18:58

trying to tear him down, like bring down meta, right?

Kelly: 19:05

So, that's literally the first thing that comes to mind with. Everything in that question. because, like you were just saying, you can look at these people on social media and it looks like they have it all together. Like, oh, she has a full-time job and she just took her kids to this really cool park on a Friday afternoon. how'd she have time to do that? Oh, and look, she just posted a picture of her kitchen and it looks like it's never been cooked in because everything looks so clean and perfect But that's probably not real. she's either got someone coming in and cleaning for her, or she took a picture right after she cleaned it and 95% of the time it looks nothing like that photo.

Kristen: 19:47

she really doesn't cook in her kitchen because she's buying McDonald's and feeding her kids, even though she tells you that they only eat kale. There's also

Kelly: 19:59

that possibility. Yeah, I would just say as far as how we can incorporate. A mindset to stop striving for those impossibilities, just stop looking at all of that. I know easier said than done, but seriously, take steps to mute some of that noise in your mind It's so much better when we're not constantly comparing our every day to what we're seeing as we doom scroll.

Alexis: 20:32

Yes. I think to piggyback on that, I have found that there are a few counts that I actually really enjoy following on social media because they don't sugarcoat. Real life. specifically there's one, she's a homesteader and she is a big fan of showing the everyday and like this is a working kitchen. It's a mess. And that's just how it is. And we didn't get this done today, but I'll get it done, maybe next week. I really admire her. She's the one that got me thinking your true friends don't care what your house looks like and they come over and offer to help you, If you're canning, work on canning together I really have found accounts like that are my favorite ones to follow rather than trying to follow influencers that are just unrealistic The other one I love following is a lady that just does like. Everyday dinners an apartment, you know, just a typical family and apartment in Philadelphia with two kids and how they, work So I think there are accounts out there, but also if you are to encourage just to show what's real. Like if you have a nanny, say, you know, my, I had a nanny, rather than just making it out like, you're taking care of your kids. All day when Billy might not be, and that's okay. It's okay if you have a nanny. It's okay if you have somebody that cleans your house. It's okay if your kitchen is a mess. Just being more authentic online and really showing who it is, or just don't show us all of your life online either, because really we don't need to see that either.

Kelly: 22:05

I agree though. I do think that there are people out there on these platforms that we love to hate. who can be really enjoyable to follow because they aren't trying to portray a perfect life. I have found the same thing, I love following the people who. Just not, not that they're like airing their dirty laundry on social media, but they're just like showing you that like life is not perfect and that's okay.

Kristen: 22:35

Yeah, someone you wanna follow too. She's more on YouTube too, is raw beauty. Christie, I love her and I started following her years ago when she was just doing makeup tutorials, but now she lives in the Pacific Northwest. She's got her garden, she's got her perfect look. Not, I don't say perfect in a bad way. her stuff is adorable, but she's also totally real. this is me, this is my family. I love watching her because she is so real. instead of complaining about what other people are showing, we can put out more in the world too. Like we wanna see more real stuff so we can put out more of our real stuff. here's my messy house. I don't have a messy house, because I have a husband who's OCD, who cleans it like incessantly, but my kitchen that's only half remodeled, like we've got the back splash done on one side and the cabinet's updated. But then the other side, there's just no backsplash because the olds come off, but the new hasn't gone up. it's a whole thing. but like. That's, we live with that. Like nobody cares. Kitchen's fine. but we could get better about, you know, posting unfiltered pictures, showing what life is really like. Or Kelly, to your other point, just don't post anything. nobody needs to know every second of your life. And I think I mentioned it in one of the earlier episodes where. I will often think before I post something, like, why am I sharing this? am I doing it to get clicks and likes? is it because it's something I really want to share that I think people will appreciate or respond to I mean, clicks and likes are nice, but again, why are we doing it? Who's it really for?

Alexis: 24:02

And I think that's a good question to ask in general. at least for me, you know, we came on to social media and look back at anything you first originally posted you would never do that now. sometimes people still forget that we should filter and just like. Really, are you just kind of, throwing up on the internet and does it need to be said or shared, or can you just maybe go talk to somebody in real life

Kristen: 24:29

share

Alexis: 24:29

it, you know?

Kristen: 24:30

Right. I saw, I can't remember if it was a real, or if I just saw it on Facebook it was a party where you invite your friends over and you read old Facebook statuses from like 2007, 2008. And you guess who at the party is the one that posted it? And I was like. That sounds like the most fun ever because back in the day when Facebook was first around, it was literally a status update and it would be like, Kristen is, or whatever, and you would have to start it with a verb, like what you're doing, you know, watching this eating Taco Bell and Twitter was kind of like that too when it first started. Like you literally were saying what you were doing. And I remember being so angry and people wouldn't use a verb there. I'm like, it's supposed to be, is something you can't just post anything there.'cause I am very big on semantics and words matter. But I think that kind of party would be so fun and funny.

Kelly: 25:26

that would be hilarious.

Kristen: 25:28

I'll make it happen sometime. All right, moving on. What are lies that keep you from dreaming big? How do you face life's challenges without fear of failure? And Alexis, I still love your story from last week's episode about wanting to be a flower farmer, which again, I'm manifesting for you because you are going to do it. but what are some of the lies? Like why do you have such a hard time dreaming big on that one? Or how do you face challenges without fear of failure?

Alexis: 26:01

Okay, well first of all, one thing I've noticed in the past year and a half, kind of since COVID, is everybody wants to be a flower farmer. And so I worry that it gets oversaturated. It kind of did that with photography. I used to have my own photography business, and you have to be careful if it gets oversaturated, it's just not gonna be worth it. And flower farming is hard. farming in general is hard because you're at the mercy of the weather and you know, you have some years where they could literally break you and then you have some years, which are fantastic. So there's that aspect of it. And then the reality is in order to have a. I need land and specifically where we live, you know, land is just outrageous. It's extremely expensive. in Idaho, most people don't realize this, but 75% is, federal land. So there's not much land that people actually can own because most of it's, Federal. And it's desert in the south, so you have to have water rights. And it's just kind of one of those things that doesn't seem attainable right now because of where we are in our life with raising five kids and that costs and stuff. So, maybe if we moved somewhere, Farming. money is really a huge hindrance. I don't know that it'll ever be where I would want to be, where I would dream of a flower farm.

Kristen: 27:41

I was waiting to see if you were gonna say anything else. you are the only person I know who wants to be a flower farmer, so I don't think it's oversaturated, at least not where I'm at. you're the flower farmer that I know. I would buy your flowers because I enjoy shopping small business, and I would shop your small business of flower farming, and then you'd get bigger because more people would buy from you as a small business, and it'd be a big business and a real flower farmer. Well, let's continue out

Kelly: 28:10

for

Kristen: 28:10

you. What

Kelly: 28:13

I said, Kristen, has it all planned out for you? I do,

Kristen: 28:15

and I'm manifesting it. Alexis is going to be a flower farmer. It's gonna happen. Maybe not today.

Alexis: 28:22

kids are out of the house. Yeah, maybe when they're out of the house. And it can be something that, you know, at that point Is a lot of it costs a lot. when they're out of the house, that can be something I spend my time doing we'll see. It's still in the back of my mind and I still talk about it frequently

Kristen: 28:38

Well, and I think maybe you just need to shift your perspective a little bit. It's not about waiting for them to get out of the house because while they are at the house, they are free labor. You have your flower farm hands right on hand. I don't know what farming entails if you need farm hands or not, but,

Alexis: 29:01

that is when you get large scale, that is something to consider.

Kristen: 29:04

Problem solver. Kelly, do you have any thoughts about any of the lies that are keeping you from dreaming big or how you face challenges without fear of failure?

Kelly: 29:15

one thing that came to mind is that I think sometimes we can have a dream and the dream itself, like I think a lot of dreams they're, we know they're gonna take hard work and it's not gonna be an easy path to achieve but sometimes I think the dream itself. Is actually just terrifying. we're kind of walking through something like that right now. one of the lies I felt walking into that was that we have to do this in our own strength and on our own. First of all, that's not true at all for us. we're Christians and so we know walking into this that we have the Lord strength and that he's called us to do this. and so we can find comfort there, but also we have. Gained a village around us here since we moved to the state a couple of years ago. And we have family and friends sometimes when you have a dream that you're walking towards, it can feel really scary to think that you're on your own doing it. But it doesn't have to be that way. We're being reminded of that now that it's okay to lean on your village when things do get hard.

Kristen: 30:47

I think that we are always exactly where we are supposed to be. Like everything happens for a reason there was an exercise I learned years ago and it was about, saying, what if Over and over again. Like come up with your, you know, well if you did this, you know, well what if you did that? And you kind of come up with like things that could happen, like, well, what if this happened? And it's to get your brain to realize what worst case scenario is, probably actually isn't that bad. And I think being able to face fears like that, like what's the worst that's gonna happen if I do this thing? Like, I'm not gonna die. So. And maybe that's not a great example, but I think when it comes to facing the fears, Fear of failure shouldn't be that big of a fear. I feel weird even saying that because I know it is something I struggle with. But when I was going through my master's program we talked about failure as a positive, I remember writing it down fail early and fail often because you learn more from failing than from succeeding I don't know if you remember back to when you were in school, like if there was a pretest or a practice test or a worksheet and you got something wrong. You would remember that answer more than the ones you got, right? Because you had to work harder to learn it And I think it's kind of that same thing if you make a mistake, learn from it. Don't do it again. Change it we should be trying to fail. Even people who are inventors and thinkers going outside of the box They're not gonna know something works unless they know what doesn't work. So you've gotta have those failures, you've gotta learn from them, and it shouldn't be a fear of failing. It should be something you look forward to. if you can change your perspective to that, fail early, fail often, learn from it and move on, then it's something you wanna do. Hey, the sooner I can fail and get this over with, the sooner I can get to the success part Flower farmer brilliant, amazing, whatever it is star podcaster, whatever the dream is, make the mistakes, learn from it and move on. I know it's easier said than done, but I think that's how we have to get to that mindset to get over the fear of rejection or fear of failure. Yeah. That's a really good point. Thank you. I thought so too. So Jess offers hard one, often hilarious words of advice in this book. Which ones did you take to heart and why?

Kelly: 33:06

So, one of the biggest takeaways for me. Were the parts where she talked about staying in your lane. when we started reading this book, that was something I had been struggling with a couple of months leading into us starting this book and doing the episodes for the podcast, I was struggling with comparing my season to others around me and feeling like I was failing my son in different ways and feeling like this is just too much. This is hard. nobody else's journey looks. Similar to ours, at least the people around us. that was something I'd been struggling with a lot. I loved when she had a whole chapter, that focused on staying in your lane and knowing that like the season that I am in, it's okay if it doesn't look like everyone else's season right now. In the grand scheme of things, I'm probably not the only one. There's probably actually a lot of people out there walking through very similar seasons just like me, even if they're not in my, close circles. but regardless, I can find satisfaction in my season if I just focus on. My day to day stop looking around me at what everyone else is doing or not doing And she actually had a highlight from The epilogue, because she went back to that whole stay in your lane concept. I highlighted this. It said it's crazy, the impact a person can have when they stay in their lane, when they do life in their own way and when they open their home, their hearts and their table for others to sit at. I loved that so much.

Kristen: 35:02

Yeah, that is a powerful statement. I will say the book writ Large, was phenomenal. It's the kind of book I will probably reread. I highlighted so much in my Kindle Kelly, I can't remember if we said this on the podcast or not, but I know you were doing the audio book and then you went and got the Kindle version so you could make highlights. I read the Kindle version. It has highlights, but I was like, I think I wanna buy the actual book and go and put the highlights through it so I can flip through it too. So I thought it was funny that we both loved it so much that we, went through multiple. I didn't buy the book yet, but I've thought about doing it. So

Kelly: 35:43

I also highly recommend audio to anyone who doesn't wanna sit and read it right now because listening to just read the story. Knowing that it's all about her and her family and things. it was so funny. Like just the way that she read it was so good.

Kristen: 36:00

I will say, the part that stuck with me from the book, the one that I keep going back to, even though we're done reading it, is the one about my job is to keep. People happy. And I feel like after I got through that I kind of worked through some of my own issues of being authentically me and not caring as much what other people think. I feel like I have a whole new life, like I don't have to keep everybody happy. And it's okay if I'm the villain in somebody else's story. And it's okay if I'm not a main character in somebody's story.'cause even side characters are important. there is so much. I took from this about just really refocusing on how I see myself, I really do feel it's built confidence and that I have let go of some of the bad things I was holding onto, if that makes sense. Yeah. So those are the main questions from the publisher we were going to cover. I did have maybe one or two other questions for you, that I didn't tell you about ahead of time, because I didn't want you to. Think too hard on the answers. when we had the first episode we hadn't even really read the book or maybe we just kind of gotten into a little bit, we kind of talked about expectations and as I recall, both of you were like, oh, I don't know about this. I don't really read books like this. I'm not really a self-help book. Person. Like, I don't know what they're gonna tell me, but, okay. Kristen wants us to read the book. We'll read the book. So I would like to We did not sound like that. Okay. You didn't sound like that. We did not sound like that. I added that for dramatic flare and you definitely didn't say the part of, we'll read it'cause Kristen wants to read it. but you did anyway. so now that we've gone through it and discussed it for the entire month of May. I wanna know what you guys think now, if the book met or exceeded your expectations, or if it changed your opinion at all.

Alexis: 37:55

Yes, it was an excellent book. I really enjoyed it. I did not give it five stars I think I gave it 4.5. I don't remember when I rated it, Either way. It was a really good book and it probably will make top 10 for the year of books I've read, so. Yay. That's awesome. I really enjoyed it. Oh, that's high praise from you too. Yeah, for sure. I think it'll make top 10 last week we had, our homeschool prom and I photographed it. group prom like events is not my typical thing that I am good at photographing. I did it because I just did it for a memory for the kids to have. And there's another photo mom that's there, and its very intimidating. She's really good at what she does. She does some events and she's just really good. She's better than I am and I have no problem saying that, but I always feel very intimidated when I'm with her. And instead, this time I pulled her in and had her help me. She helped me with it to keep things organized typically she's just intimidating to me. I wouldn't have talked to her and spent time visiting her. And I did. And then I also got the name of the guy that was the DJ who taught the kids some ballroom dancing and stuff.'cause they give dance classes for my husband and I to do, like, some ballroom or just dancing in general. Because remember I don't dance. Mm-hmm. So I feel like it was a lot more fun and I didn't feel so like. Nerve, like come home from that and just like exhausted.'cause I felt like I couldn't be who I was because I was who I am. And I just said, look, this isn't my house. Can you help me? then I was able to visit with the other moms and didn't try to worry about what I was gonna say or am I gonna come across as like, Just you have insecurities about what you say, like people, and you're like, oh, did I really say that? But I didn't do that. this is who I am and this is how I'm gonna be. So I think it was good as far as that.

Kristen: 39:58

I love that. Love that so much, Kelly.

Kelly: 40:05

Yeah, so I would say it exceeded my expectations. I really am not into self-help books. if I'm gonna read, I'm like a psych thriller junkie. this was a total change of pace for my usual reading, Honestly, it was so good. I did not expect to laugh so much but I laughed out loud multiple times. that made it really enjoyable. And there were so many good little tidbits, which is why I went back and. Bought the Kindle version because I wanna skim back through the chapters and highlight some things so that I can, have them saved to my good reads and look at them again later. A moment of honesty and vulnerability. When we first started doing the episodes, the first one or two, I remember when we got off the recording having all these thoughts like, oh my gosh, I rambled way too much. Like, what did I even say on there? They probably wished that I would've talked less. You know, just all the things like downing myself or whatever I may have said. but as we got further in the book, I did notice that the last couple of recordings that we did, I. Wasn't struggling so much with those thoughts. I was just like, well, I said what I said and nobody stopped me, so it must have been fine.

Kristen: 41:34

I love that. And yes, I can definitely tell. I think it became more comfortable for all of us as we went on. And I do think part of it is because, we became more comfortable with each other. And also I do think it's some of the material from the book too, really building upon being okay with being vulnerable and sharing and being authentic. Like I know there's been some nights because, we record later in the evening. It's usually a day. I've worked all day. I'm gonna come home, have dinner, and then we have to record and I'm just exhausted from the day. It's usually later in the week. I'm tired, I don't wanna do it. And then every time after we do, I'm like, that was phenomenal. This is so great. And then I'm awake for like two more hours. I'm uploading it already to my software. I think after one of the first ones, Kelly, you and I were texting until it was like after 11 my time, which is like after midnight your time. Yeah. I'm doing the same thing with Alexis when I made one of the graphics for last week's thing. I like message her on Instagram and I'm like, I don't wanna text you in case you're asleep, but this seems more private. are you still awake? Because I was so excited about the clip that I wanted her to see it right then. talking about being with the people that you belong with and not being tired after it. That's how I feel with you guys. Like, you give me life. And I'm like, yes, this is awesome. This is so great. You can do this forever.

Kelly: 42:58

same thing happened last week. whenever we recorded, I was. So tired that day, and I even told my husband, I really don't feel like doing this. even when we first got on, I felt like I was kind of a zombie, zoning out. But then when we were done, I was wide awake It took me hours to fall asleep after that.

Alexis: 43:18

Mm-hmm.

Kelly: 43:19

It happens.

Alexis: 43:19

Well, there was one night too. I was the one that was tired tonight. I told everybody, I'm like, oh, I have book club and I'm tired and I don't wanna do anything.

Kristen: 43:28

Well, and there was a few weeks ago too, Alexis texted me away home from work. She's like, I just don't think I'm gonna be at book club tonight. And I'm like. Okay. Like, that's fine. No worries. Like you do you And then like, what was it like 10 minutes before it supposed to start? She texted me, she's like, actually, can I still come? And I'm like, no, Alexis, like, we replaced you, we uninvited you. Like of course. So I love, so it's been so good. It has been. So I wanna close with Three more things. I'm gonna make them quick though, since you guys loved her book as I knew you would. I want to give a quick plug for her other ones. The other ones she wrote with Amy Weatherly. So they're the co-founders and ones that keep up with the sister. I am with you Facebook page. the first one was I'll be there, but I'm wearing sweatpants. And then the other one is here for it, the good, the bad, and the queso. I have read both of them. I at least own here for it. I might have the other one too. I can't remember if I just did that as a library book or a real book. Highly recommend both of them. It's the same kind of feel. You're gonna get honesty, humor stories. You're gonna feel better about yourself and your friendships after you read them. So recommend those. What I wanted to talk about. One last thing about this book, the Perfect is Boring and tastes like Kale. You may recall from one of our first episodes, we had quite the debate over kale of who liked it, who didn't. Alexis likes it, Kelly and I don't, and other foods that we like or whatever. And it wasn't until a week or so ago I'm like, oh my gosh, I've gotta share this with the girls, but I wanna wait till the finale. I finally figured out why she used that phrase. this is my interpretation Not everybody likes kale. Not everybody likes you, and that's okay. Different people like different things because we're all different people and that's okay. And I think that's kind of the whole gist of the book. People aren't going to like you just like they don't like kale. It doesn't mean they aren't good people. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. It's just what it is. So I didn't know if this was some Huge thing. Or if you guys had any thoughts on that too. Like,'cause she couldn't have used kale as just a random word there. Like it had to have a meaning, right? Is this the meaning?

Kelly: 45:48

Maybe it

Kristen: 45:48

makes

Kelly: 45:48

sense. It's the one I'm sticking to. And I mean kale isn't a bad thing. It's good for you, right? But it might not be everybody's favorite thing, just like you. I'm not saying like you'cause I love you. No, for real. you may not be for everyone, but it doesn't mean you're a bad person or that you're not a fun person to be around. You just may not be everyone's

Kristen: 46:13

favorite. Right. I could be somebody's kale, but I could also be somebody's buffalo chicken.

Kelly: 46:18

Exactly. You're my buffalo chicken.

Kristen: 46:21

Well, you guys are my kill. How about that? Oh yes. Perfect. And you're on my pizzas. So we have come full circle. Oh, we are unhinged. Well, the

Alexis: 46:33

last thing I went, let's be real. I'd rather just have a cookie.

Kristen: 46:36

Mm,

Alexis: 46:37

That's just better.

Kristen: 46:39

So with all that being said, I feel like a virtual book club was very successful. So what I wanna ask you, both my co-hosts and listeners, should we do another virtual book club?

Kelly: 46:55

I think so.

Kristen: 46:56

Okay. So my kids and my husband, I told my husband, we were recording the last one and he's like, what's your next book gonna be? I'm like, what? And he's like, aren't you guys doing another book? And I was like, I dunno. I mean, yeah, probably sometime. so we will, stay tuned. I'm sure we can squeeze another virtual book club sometime in season two, which will be coming out sometime in August. So, We'll see where it goes. But as always, Kelly Alexis, thank you so much for being with me on this journey. I think it was phenomenal. I think we are better people from it. I hope the people listening feel like they've learned something too, whether they read with us or just, listened to us ramble on about all the things we were learning, They were getting things from it too. so as we close, any final thoughts from either of you on the book or anything? Life in general.

Alexis: 47:48

I don't really have anything other than to say thank you for doing this and letting me help co. It was fun.

Kristen: 47:55

Awesome.

Kelly: 47:56

Yeah, I was gonna say thanks for the opportunity. I had a lot of fun and I think it'll be fun if we do another one sometime.

Kristen: 48:05

We totally will. And I think that even in the off season, our AI friends are still gonna live their best lives. So also stay tuned to social media to see what else they do.'cause I'm really excited about it. Me too. All right guys. Well thank you everyone. Thanks for listening and, thanks Alexis and Kelly. All right, talk to you later. Bye.