Hey everyone. Welcome back, and how excited are we for this little bonus episode. it's just me today, but I wanted to share what's in store in the coming months, because April and May are going to be very exciting and a little bit different from what we have been doing here on the podcast lately. the first couple months gave you a broad range of topics. We're gonna cover different guests, different things, just trying to see what's out there, what people wanna listen to, what my friends wanna talk about, for April, we're actually going to do a series. So every episode this month is going to be on a specific topic, although We're covering different aspects of it. we're talking about friendship and the reason I felt the need to dedicate a whole month, maybe more to this is, it seems that every time I have a guest, almost every single person has wanted to talk about friendship or something about friendship has come up. I see that it's something important, on people's minds, things they want to talk about, and for me, it's something very near and dear to my heart. You'll hear it, we've probably already heard it in previous episodes, and you're definitely going to hear it in the upcoming ones. The different thoughts and feelings I have towards friendship, how I've struggled with friendships, how I've had a hard time making friends, not making acquaintances. I can pretty much get anybody to be an acquaintance to me, I just love people. I love talking with people. Obviously I am dedicating a whole podcast to talking with me, so I've got that handled. But being able to take those, shallow or superficial friendships and getting them to the next level where they are actually meaningful, impactful, that is something I've had a hard time with. And I can go through all the different reasons of why I think that is, but that's not something we need to get to in this little intro episode. So that's where I am coming from is talking about friendship and the different aspects of it. And because friendships are such a huge part of our lives, I've got something even more exciting coming up in May that ties right into this series. I am going to be hosting our very first. Virtual book club. Stay tuned throughout the episode to get the details. So why friendship and why does friendship matter so much in adults? I think it's because it's been harder to make them. When you're making kids as a friend, it's easy. You know, you just, you show up, you play, and your friends booth is ever there. It can be the kids in the neighborhood. It can be the kids in your class when you're at school. It's focused on that proximity of. Was there, they're usually about the same age as you. Oftentimes they're usually the same sex as you, and you just kind of clinging to whoever's there and around you. And it's funny, as I've been talking to my son, he's 12 and asking him about, you know, well, how is it that you make friends and how is it, you know, who are you friends with at school? And I've asked him, you like, what about the girls in your class? He's like, oh no, I don't talk to the girls. the boys just talk to the boys and the girls just talk to the girls. And I'm sure it's not like that in every sixth grade, but that's how they're at that age now. And that's how it is. You kind of clinging to what is like you and who is around you. And I think for a lot of our lives, that's how it is. when you go off to college, it's whoever's living with you in your dorm on your floor or in your unit. the people you're in class with that you may be in different social groups with. Sorority. Fraternity, it's whoever's around is who you become friends with and especially in college, it's more of those social aspects, the people you're going out with, the people you're studying with, and it kind of bonds you together. Then you get to adulthood and it's like the wild west. Sure, you can do the proximity thing and maybe be friends with your neighbors, but they could be at different stages of their lives and you may not be able to find. Common ground to really develop deep relationships. It could be the people you work with, and that's a great opportunity to make friends. But again, they may not be at the same place of life you are. Maybe they live far away. Maybe it's hard to hang out with them outside of work, Maybe you meet people in your church or you meet people in social groups that you're in. So there's all these places where we can find people. But actually getting into knowing people and connecting with people is sometimes where people like myself have more of a challenge. Research shows that 8% of adults say they have zero close friends and only 38% say they have five or more. And that's a huge shift from decades ago. I remember when I was younger, I always had lots and lots of friends, you know, like when you're younger, everybody's your friend. But I had a lot of them and I had a lot of people I'd hang out with. And when I say younger, I'm thinking, you know, junior high, high school. I had a whole group of friends. I was always going out, always doing something. I had my youth group friends, my school friends, we were everywhere. I had lots of friends. And I remember my dad telling me, you know, hey, when you're older, if you can even count the friends you have, on one hand you're very lucky. And at the time I thought that was crazy. Like only five friends. Like that's impossible. I'm always gonna have like. 50 friends or whatever, but looking back, he was right. I still have a lot of acquaintances. I have Facebook friends, I have Instagram friends, I have real life friends. Some of them overlap in those different worlds, but the people that I actually count as close friends is a much smaller number. I don't know if that's the same for you, Not just the people you go and hang out with, but the people that you can sit and have those heart-to-heart conversations with. How many of those do you have? And even looking back when I was younger, I don't know how many of those I actually had. There were girls I hung out with more than others, and honestly, my friend Becky was my best friend forever for probably in like, I think third or fourth grade until the early two thousands after college. So we've been friends for 15, 16 years, which to me was a really long time and she was my absolute best friend. And we just kind of grew apart and went our different ways. But I still think of her and all the fun we had. We had so many inside jokes. and there's things that still remind me of her all the time, when I was in Virginia, I had a really close friend. We spent a lot of time together and really had, some of those deeper conversations too. My friend Rose. Then she moved away and then I moved away and things happen. So I feel like for a very long time I have still been looking for that one true best friend. You know, they talk about how, oh, you're one true love. But I think in some aspects I've taken that on a friendship level too, and I don't know if that's something I was ever taught or just something that kind of. Came to me I feel like I'm always supposed to have this one friend or this group of friends. And you'll hear this come up in the episodes later this month too. But when you see what friendship is reflected in the media and you see, the Golden Girls, four women sex in the city. Four women, and you see shows like this and you're like, oh, well clearly I'm supposed to have three other women. There's supposed to be four of us, and we're supposed to be this perfect group of friends and we'll all have different personalities so we can fit all the different character types and we will be friends. And that's not really how it works. if that's how it's worked for you, that's awesome. I'm probably actually very envious of that, but for me, that hasn't been how it's been working out. So when we look at the friendships that we have, not only are we having fewer of them than we used to, but the time we're spending with them is less. Americans now spend less than three hours a week with friends down from six hours a decade ago, Life gets busy, career takes over. We have families, but suddenly maintaining friendships feels like another to-do list item. when there's only so much time in a day or a week and you've got your job and family, spouse, partner, children, maybe just people in your life care about, and then things taking care of you, whether it's working out or involved in a hobby or a sport or some kind of activity, making time for friends. It does become like one of those things on a to-do list, and it's harder to make time for it because they're not necessarily at the top of your priority list. And I'm not saying they should be. Obviously your family should be there, if you have a job for your living. That's a priority too. So it's not like we don't think about friends or make time for friends. It just becomes harder to find that time and actually being really intentional about it. And the other thing that I personally think has affected a lot of the close connections and in real life community is social media. Because on the one hand, social media helps us stay connected. But on the other, it creates the illusion of friendship while making real life interactions feel less necessary. And you'll hear this in one of the episodes later this month too. Where we really look at it, it's almost like fake friendships. I refer to Facebook as the fake book very often because I feel like none of it is really real. There are parts that are real. I just have a lot of strong opinions and feelings towards social media. But that's another episode for another day. In regards to looking at social media. With friendship it's just like that. when you are liking your friend's post or commenting it's easy to think, oh, I'm engaging with them. I'm involved in their life. I see what's going on. we're friends. But sometimes people are posting things that may not be what's actually going on. It may not be their reality. They may be covering up something So you're interacting with the version of themselves that they're putting out there. It's not the same as meeting with a friend in real life over a cup of coffee and saying, Hey, what's going on? And even commenting on somebody's post is not the same thing as texting them or calling them and seeing how they're doing. So. I feel like social media friendships really build that facade where you feel like you're having friends and you don't. And honestly, it goes the other way too. Not just with you interacting with your friends, but how people are with you. Like you can look and say, oh look, I have, 298 Facebook friends and 1100 Instagram friends and they're all caring about me and involved in my life. And they're not. There's probably some people interested in your life, but most of them are probably not. even when you feel like they may be real friendships and some of them are I don't wanna go too down this because I know it's just gonna cause controversy, but I'll leave you with this. Have your social media friends, but don't use that as a replacement for your in real life friends. We'll leave it at that, how about you? Have you ever felt like making or maintaining friendships is harder than it should be? Because I think it is. I'd love to hear what you think. I've teased about some things that will be coming up this month, to give you a little sneak peek, we're gonna be talking about making friends. As an adult, why is it so awkward? How do you actually do it? Friendship challenges, All the different conflicts that come up. Issues you have, boundaries growing apart. Just all the different challenges. We're gonna try to cover them all and come up with some ideas or solutions or ways to navigate adult friendships, long distance friendships. Long distance friendships for me either go one way or another. Either it doesn't work out, or you are able to maintain a friendship by being intentional with calling and texting and staying involved. we're gonna have a whole episode on different aspects of long distance friendship and how it can be done. I'm also hoping we get to talk about age gap friendships. When you are older than a friend or they're older than you, you're at different phases of your life, but sometimes it's exactly what you need. But again, how do you find those friendships? How do you make them work? Speaking of work, work, friendships. sometimes that's a place where you can find friends because you're in the same area, but then how does that dynamic work when you're working together on a project or one of them is your boss? How do you handle all of those different aspects and does it affect your friendship? And maybe a few other friendship topics, and we're definitely gonna have a lot of guests, some you've already met in previous episodes. Some are new ones that I am so excited to introduce you to. So we're gonna have a lot of fun with this. friendship is more than just who we text or grab coffee with. It's about how we see ourselves, the way we grow, how we support each other, and that is why I'm so excited about launching our first ever virtual book club in May. The reason I'm tying it into friendship is because it's the book titled Perfect is Boring and it tastes like Kale by Jess Johnston. So I'll read you the summary of the book and then you'll see why I think this is so important. What if we accepted our struggles and stopped trying to be someone we're not in this poignant, hilarious book, the bestselling co-author of, I'll Be There, but I'll be Wearing Sweatpants, shares her experiments in finding our way back to each other. Jess Johnston used to feel alone in her mess. Then in a random burst of courage, she started sharing those insecurities and struggles out loud, and what she found shocked her again and again. Women replied. Me too. I thought I was the only one. Women are really hard on themselves. We often believe that if we just did better, worked harder and were less messy, flawed human, our lives would be infinitely better and we'd receive the belonging we crave. The exact opposite is true. It isn't our lack of perfection that isolates us. Rather, it's our authenticity, about our imperfections that brings us together with honesty, heart, and humor. Johnston takes on the lies she's believed and the lessons she's learned and is still learning, including if I'm rejected, I will die. We won't. I'm a junior varsity adult and the best spot for me is usually on the bench. Nope, we've gotta get in there and play. My job is to keep people happy and make sure they like me, excuse me, while I go hide in my closet and have an anxiety attack. Jess Johnston reminds us that the answers are in us already, and accepting that we are a lot, a lot of mess and a lot of great too. So if that resonated with you at all, and I think if you're listening to my podcast and you're like me even a little bit, it probably did then I think you'd like to read the book too. So I'm excited about having this and I'm still working out the details, so I can't tell you everything right now. Basically, we're gonna read the book together and we're gonna talk about the book together. And whether that's you sending in emails or doing voice clips, or if we actually do a live streaming thing sometime and we talk about it together, I promise you it's gonna be so much fun and I'm so excited about being able to interact with you all and find a way to get us to be closer together. And I think this book is the perfect one. spoiler alert, I've already started reading it. I did wanna make sure that it's gonna work for this. It is so good. As I'm reading it, I'm like, oh my gosh, this is exactly what I've been saying. This is exactly how I'm feeling and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one. there's a whole book about it and it's amazing. this book highlights the themes of self-acceptance, connection, and personal evolution, things that directly impact our friendships. And really play into everything we're gonna be talking about in April, which is why I thought talking about friendships in April and maybe going into May a little bit too, and then doing this virtual book club in May. It's gonna connect so well that we're gonna be so ready for summer. We're gonna be living our most authentic, confident life. We're gonna have friends abounding. It's gonna be beautiful. I can't promise the whole friends abounding part, but I can definitely promise you that we'll be more authentic and more confident going into the summer. I would love to hear your thoughts. What's been your biggest challenge or joy in friendship? What struggles have you had? What tips do you have to make friends not just the regular run of the mill. We grab coffee friends, but the ones that you can be vulnerable with and open your heart and your messy house too, like what are the tips that you have? You can message me on Instagram at talk with Kristen with an E, or email me at talk with Kristen with an e@gmail.com the more you send me, the more you engage, the more we can get your thoughts out here too, so it's not just me talking and we can be a team Friendships are constantly evolving, this month we're gonna dive into all of it. The messy, the beautiful, the scary, the wonderful parts of friendship. Make sure you are subscribed and joining the conversation on Instagram or Facebook, you can also find out all the details for our upcoming book club. Yay. Now, the first episode coming up, that will also be today. So after you listen to this, you can go listen to that one or maybe you already have. Uh, XIS and I are reflecting on our own experiences. And we're talking about the pressures of maintaining large social circles and how sometimes just having a few close friends really is better. Plus the episode starts with Alexis and I reflecting on how we met, and that's a pretty good story on its own. So I definitely hope that you will listen to not just today's episodes, but the whole month, and that you'll share your thoughts because friendship is so important. And while I don't know all of you. Yet, I'm sure that we'd be really good friends too, so I would love to get to know you. So please reach out, like, subscribe, do all the things, and, uh, yeah. We'll.