Kristen: 0:36

Hey everybody. Welcome back. I am very excited about today's episode. Today, I have my friend and sister-in-law Kelly with us, and we're gonna be talking about some really cool things that, probably everyone has experienced, and it's about friendship, but it's a different part of friendship. So before we get into that, Kelly, hi. Do you wanna do a quick intro of who you are or a little bit about you? Sure.

Kelly: 1:02

So thanks for having me. I'm excited to be here. I am, Kelly and I live in Maine. We moved here a couple of years ago. My husband and I have been married for just over 10 years now. fun fact, we have lived in four different states in those 10 years. We have one son who just turned seven last week and I homeschool him, and I also work full-time remotely. So yeah, I stay pretty busy, but excited to be here today.

Kristen: 1:34

I'm excited you're here too. And I was thinking about four states. But for me, mine's been a little bit longer. We've been together for almost 20 years now and we've lived in three states, so we're one behind you. But we've also moved around a bit, so that's why this topic will be good. Yeah.

Kelly: 1:50

And I always say, yeah, we've lived in all these states and we're not even military. I know, right? We just moved just

Kristen: 1:56

Because my husband just wants to go different places. That's how I feel your story goes. but anyways, so yeah guys, if you haven't figured out yet today, the part of friendship we're talking about is long distant friendships and talking about. How to develop them, maintain them, keep them there. And also maybe a little bit of what happens if it doesn't work or when it's time for them to fade away. So just long distance friendship is what we're looking at. And sometimes they do work really well and sometimes they don't. And that's okay. But we wanna break it down and talk about all of them. Kelly, thinking about your long distance friendships, what are some of the. Reasons. We've talked about the moving. Is that it or are there other ways that we've developed long distance friendships?

Kelly: 2:39

So for me, there's definitely other ways. Moving has been, a big part of that, whether it was me moving or a friend moving, I've experienced both. But I've also developed long distance friendships with people that never actually lived near me to begin with. And most of those developed from my days in MLM companies, which is a whole different episode, but I am thankful for the people. That are still in my life as a result of those days.

Kristen: 3:10

Mine's not MLM, but I was thinking about the friends that I have long distance. a lot of it is from moving, I moved, they moved, we just, some of them were from college and we never really, were gonna be in the same place afterwards anyway. But I also have, my friend Ariel, who we used to be beauty bloggers together back in like the 2010s, and she and I are still friends to this day. We've never met in real life, but we've been main. A friendship over social media, texting, things like that. So it is, you yeah, you build your network from wherever. And when the internet came about, there was a different way to meet people too. being in different companies or organizations it's a way to meet people and sometimes you just click with them.

Kelly: 3:49

Yeah, exactly. And that is one of the beauties of social media, I think. There's a lot of pain points with it and things that I like less the older I get. But, the fact that I have been able to develop and maintain some of these long distance friendships because of social media relationships that would've never come to be without social media. For that I am very thankful.

Kristen: 4:12

So can you give us some examples of some of the friendships that you have been able to maintain that have been thriving over distance? What are some of those examples that have worked?

Kelly: 4:24

Yeah, the very first long distance friendship that I experienced, started when I was about seven or eight years old. My family had really close friends. At the time we all lived in Virginia when I say close friends, I mean we were at their house or they were at ours every single night of the week almost. They're like practically family,

Kristen: 4:45

They're like a second family, pretty much.

Kelly: 4:47

I called their parents auntie and uncle, and they did the same with my parents. long story short, their mom was actually from Australia. Oh, wow. And they, decided back in 2000, 2001, somewhere in there that they were going to move to Australia, back to where she was from. that was actually, it had to be 2000, it was pre nine 11 because I remember. We got to go to the airport the night that they left and we actually got to go through security and sit at their gate with them. And watch them get on the plane. that's a very vivid memory for me, as young as I was. that was the start of, learning long distance friendships for me. Our families stayed very close through the years and they came back to the States multiple times and visited and eventually they actually moved back when we were in high school and we just picked back up right where we left off. that was my first experience with long distance. And then it happened to me again when I was in junior high. My bestest friend from kindergarten on up, her family moved away from Virginia to Colorado, and it was devastating, junior high, is really dramatic. And hard that's another vivid memory I have from when I was younger. I remember the day my friend told me that her dad was taking that job in Colorado, and I just remember the devastation that I felt. But we were able to maintain that friendship for several years throughout high school. She came back and visited, I flew to Colorado and visited. We chose the same college and roomed together our freshman year. So we were reunited at that point. then throughout college things just changed a little made different groups of friends and, just different life things happen. And so that friendship did eventually grow apart. We do still chat now and then, and, I'll always love her and cherish our memories together. that's another talking point I think that we'll get to is just seasons of friendships. Yes. so my experience with long distance started young and then it carried throughout, my, college days and then into adulthood when I got married and started moving around.

Kristen: 6:57

I don't know that I have any that early that I remember.'cause I'm trying to think what long distance friendships did I have as a child we moved, I was born in New Hampshire and we moved to Pennsylvania at that time I was still too little to really have any friends. in Pennsylvania. I don't think people really came and. Left as much, then I changed schools. while not completely long distance, that was a little change of when I would go from one school to a different one and keeping up any of those friendships. And, so again, some of them work, some of them didn't. I think a lot of mine were more like college days because you make friends with the people you're living with in college You always say, oh, we're gonna keep in touch. it's gonna be the same. Like nothing ever happened. And I know there's people that are able to do that. I didn't really do that as much, but the college I ended up graduating from, I was only there for two years, so I also wonder if part of it was, I didn't have as strong of roots with some of those people. My friend Alexis, who we've heard from before, she and I are friends from college and still friends and long distance and it's been on again, off again. We've always been a little bit in each other's lives, but the past couple years we've made more of an effort to. Text regularly or call and catch up, and that's been really nice. when we moved from Virginia to Florida. I had a really good group of girlfriends in Virginia, we kept up for a long time, and we're still connected on social media, but I feel like that's not really a connection. Like you see pictures from them every once in a while, but you are not really involved in their life anymore. for me it lasted for a little while and then it just fades off. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. People change and it is hard to keep it up when you're not in somebody's bubble, physically close to you in the same city state. Same area, it's just different and harder to keep it up. Yeah.

Kelly: 8:50

Yeah, definitely.

Kristen: 8:52

So what do you think some of the hardest parts are in maintaining the long distance friendship.

Kelly: 8:58

For me in this season of my life, I am still good friends with the friend I mentioned from my childhood. She, moved back in high school and then she ended up going back to Australia about three years ago she now is married and so I think she's there to stay. Aw. Which really is for me. Did she marry Australian guy? Yes she did. Okay. She married someone from there So I think they're staying put She does still have family here in the us. Her dad and her brother and sister-in-law and soon to be two nephews are here. she'll be back. But now I'm not in Virginia anymore. So that, plays a whole different part into it. we still talk and, she is one of those friendships that just doesn't require a lot of upkeep. I don't say that to sound bad. Like there's no effort needed, but maybe it's because it started so young. we just have always had that capability of picking back up wherever we left off. And we still have that to this day. And it doesn't matter how much time passes for us that we can just pick up the phone and have a really deep conversation. And so that is a beautiful thing. And when you have those people in your life. Cherish that. Because it really is rare. It is so rare and you realize that the older you get. But apart from that friendship, I would say my two closest friends in life both live very far away from me now. my very best friend, we met through. And we actually met at a conference, did not really talk a lot at that conference, but then started connecting more through a team page that we had on Facebook and ended up just slowly realizing that, we joke we're the same person, like so much so that it scares our husbands sometimes. Oh wow. And so we just. decided a few years ago to meet up in Tennessee. Our husbands had never met. We had only met once, and like I said, didn't talk a lot at that conference. But we met and we shared a cabin in Tennessee and we had the best time. And so we were really forced to grow our friendship, in a very authentic way because. We never lived near each other. When we met, she was living in Missouri. We were in Virginia we lived the same life, so the same year within a few months of each other. Her husband decided he wanted to move to Florida where they vacationed every year because he loved it, She said she didn't want to because all of her family and friends were in Missouri. And Florida was 12 hours away. A few months later, my husband decided, Hey, I wanna move to Maine. And I said, why? All of our family is here. And, Maine is 12 hours away, long story short, they headed south. We headed north, and now we live 24 hours apart. So that, does require effort for sure. She has four kids now. She's a stay at home mom. She homeschools, so she stays very busy. I have one kid, but I work full time We're involved in different activities and sports so we both live very busy lives, and that does require a level of just commitment. But I think when you have, and you will know the friendships that are worth putting in that, effort. that is one of those friendships that has come into my life and it's worth all of the, efforts and just it's hard and it's a bummer. It's a real bummer to live 24 hours away from your bestest friend. But there are so many ways to maintain those friendships, and we'll get into that. you're gonna know the people that are worth it and whether that's for a season, because sometimes it is just for a season. And that's okay. it's hard when those seasons end, whether it's, one specific thing that ends it or just natural fading of the friendship. But again, you're gonna know the people that. You just know when they're there for life. my friend Rachel who moved back to Australia, that's one of those lifelong friendships no matter how far apart we are or how little we get to see each other. I found that in my friend Paige as well.

Kristen: 13:23

I love that. And see, I think one of the things you brought up at the beginning too is how the foundation is laid for the friendship. I think the stronger the friendship is to start the easier, maybe not easier, I don't know what the right word is, The more willing you are to put the work into it, to maintain it. What I've found in my life is that a lot of the friends I make are shallow friends. And I don't mean this, that they're shallow. I make the friends that like, oh, we do things with, these are my brunch friends and these are my shopping friends and these are my, talking about parenting friends and all my friends are in different buckets and they never actually get more deep into the. The people you call at three in the morning or the people that you open your soul with of everything that is inside, all the insecurities you have. So I think for me, a lot of it is, I had these superficial friends and when I would go to a new place, I would just make more superficial friends that kind of replace them. And I realized as I'm saying that, that sounds terrible, the saying has always been friends for a reason, friends for a season, or friends for life. And you've mentioned the season thing a lot. I think that's what happened whether that's physically or where I am at life. There were certain people that were my friends during that time and that was fine. I moved either physically or emotionally, and I didn't need to maintain those as much. But the ones that I was able to get through. More of just then that superficial level and actually build a foundation of friendship. I think those are the ones that are more likely to. Be successful in long distance friendships. At least that's what I've experienced. it's interesting, talking about how you guys had those different life experiences, but at the same time, because I think that bonds people too. When you go through something, there's people that go through a traumatic thing together and they're bonded for life. you see that a lot. I have not been in the military, but I have a lot of friends who have been, and when you go through something like that. it really does bond you together. And you have that shared experience, which again, lays a stronger foundation, which I believe builds a stronger friendship, a more lasting friendship regardless of where you are. even though you and your Missouri now Florida friends, were still going through those similar things of dealing with your husband's wanting to move and you having to go to a new place and learn new things and develop new local friendships there too. So it's nice when you have those people that you can still go through those things together Also strengthens the friendship, but the actual main, yeah.

Kelly: 15:53

I think that, like you were saying, when you go through certain things in life that's going to naturally bond you closer to people. And I think that's a lot of times maybe why, you know my story, you said, you didn't keep a lot of close friends from college and my story is the same. I had, really great friends in college that I enjoyed being with We were close at the time, but looking back, those friendships were just easy, you're literally living in a dorm together Forced to be friends all the time. Forced proximity. And you're not necessarily going through a lot of life things. And that's not to say that life doesn't happen in college because it does, you're. Away from home and you're just caught up in this bubble. that's what college was for me. It was just a bubble, like life was going on back home, but my life was just the everyday college things. And so when you're walking through those friendships, they're just easy. obviously everyone's story is different and some people probably do go through some really traumatic times in their college days, but I think, that, for me at least, and maybe for you, those friendships, some of most of them just didn't last until like long, lifelong, meaningful friendships. We still have social media connections and things. People I keep up with that I went to college with, but we didn't go through a lot of real life together. Whereas, my friend Rachel, when they moved back in high school, we ended up walking through a lot of life together through, loss and a lot of hard things, and that does just bond you. And then, with my friend Paige, even though our friendship was built from the start at a distance, because that's all we had. We couldn't just grab coffee together and Sit and scroll on our phones. some of those friendships you get together and you're. Distracted by the things around you. When you're building a friendship long distance, you're forced to just talk. And so that's what happened to us. we talked through a lot of hard life things, not just. Both of us moving, but a lot of other really hard things. that definitely built our friendship and strengthened it. that brings me to another friendship that I just, I don't wanna not mention here. It was another friend who I also met through DM LM World, several years ago, probably 10 years ago now. she lived in Maine. and we would vacation to New England almost every year. it never worked out for us to actually meet up But we talked very often we both ended up having our. Sons, within about three and a half weeks of each other. And so I remember walking through pregnancy together and all of those, like first time mom feelings when my husband decided to move us to Maine, we ended up moving about 20 minutes away from her. But we already had a very solid friendship because it had been built on conversation. like with any relationship, communication strengthens those friendships. And that's what happened with us. we were able to do life alongside each other for, about a year and a half. then. I don't know what it is about me and people leaving me for Australia, but her husband is from Australia. He grew up there. They met in college at California. And so he wanted to go back home they moved to Australia this past September. And we've been navigating a, long distance friendship. Not for the first time, but for the first time after getting to do, honestly a lot of life together. In a year and a half's time, we walked through a lot of things. She walked alongside me through, infertility struggles that, my husband and I went through and, a lot of hard things. Our sons born three and a half weeks apart. became the best of friends I have now had to help my son navigate those feelings, just like I did at the same age when my friend moved to Australia. It's very crazy, the parallels. Life experiences definitely strengthen friendships. not to say that you can't have authentic friendships with people that you haven't experienced really hard things with, but it definitely helps and it changes the entire dynamic.

Kristen: 20:09

I think you're right about all of that I do have a lot of friends that I get coffee with. I love coffee, I love people. It works for me. But again, what's going on at work? How are things at home? We don't get to the deep things. Yeah. Which is something that I have wanted to do for years. Partly why I started this podcast. So people would talk with me about all their feelings and about mine. I think that you're right. when all you have is the communication with a long distance friend to build that and get to know them, you open yourself up more too. Because there is some distance there and it gives you a little bit of buffer where maybe you don't feel as, I don't know what the word I'm looking for is, but you don't feel as open about, like you're able to be more open because you're not as self-conscious. There's not somebody just looking at you as you're telling them things. And it reminds me, oh, absolutely. Like we hear about how, in World War ii, the husband would be off and they'd be writing letters to each other. so many great love letters came from that time period, that's what I think of. And that's what I imagine some of these friendships that start as long distance, like it's almost like you're writing letters to each other and really opening up and being vulnerable and sharing what's on your mind. And it leads to that. And I did think when you were talking about how different, times in your life bond people. I did think of other examples too. When I was pregnant, I joined one of those first time moms in 2013 Facebook groups or whatever, and I am. Still friends, using the term friends loosely'cause we're only Facebook friends, but we still keep in touch Our boys were born just a couple weeks apart we had just talked on Facebook Messenger a couple weeks ago about how it is cool that some of us have stayed connected. The only thing we had in common was that we were all pregnant at the same time. Because we were first time moms, we were going through all of it at the same time. Hey, is this normal? Hey, are you having this symptom yet? Hey, what about this? What was your glucose test like, you know What should I expect here? it was a way for us to be in a safe space and all learn together. now we're all, moms and still learning from each other. that's been a fun way.

Kelly: 22:11

Yeah, definitely. I think sometimes distance almost makes it easier to be vulnerable. Because let's be honest, I think everyone in some way probably struggles with vulnerability in relationships something about being able to open up to someone. Knowing that you're not gonna see them the next day at work. Or at the coffee shop or at church You're not gonna have to look them in the eye after just sharing. something really deeply personal. it is sometimes easier to open up to people in those, situations. And I think that's exactly what happened. Especially with my best friend Paige. We just started, after realizing that we had a lot of similarities and things in common, talking about really deep things. And, you know that will spill over if by chance you end up getting to do real life with the long distance friends. Like I did with Mikayla, having built that solid foundation of vulnerability and authentic conversation that spills into real life, because that's what you've gotten used to with that person,

Kristen: 23:20

It's become familiar. it's what the foundation of the friendship is built on. So it's totally normal than when you are together. Yeah. So what are some of the strategies you've found that actually work to maintain a long distance friendship?

Kelly: 23:35

Sometimes you have to get creative. It can be really tough to be far away. I think of the example, my best friend when they were getting ready to move to Florida, her husband had to go start his new job, but she broke her arm, while doing things around their house, getting it ready to sell. at the time she had. Two? she had three, I believe she had just had her son. So she had a newborn. he was a few months old and broke her arm. the chaos of packing up the house and having to have surgery It was one of those times where you just feel helpless because you're so far away and you wanna do something. And I actually looked at flights to go to Missouri and be there when she had her surgery. But at the time it was, the flights were expensive. It was really expensive and it just wasn't doable for me, to book a flight Last minute really. And so I'm like, what can I do? And so the only thing I could come up with was I sent the money to get takeout the night that she came home from her surgery. it seems so minor, but you do have to think outside the box. you can't just. Make a meal and drop it off when they're sick or recovering from surgery or, whatever the case may be. And those are some of the things that just life happens and it, that's when you realize man, this really stinks that we're so far away. just thinking outside the box, get creative, do what you can. Strategies that, we have personally developed, include just. Trying to, and this isn't for every long distance friendship I have, I do have several, some that are more just, like we check in here and there. But I do have a handful of long distance friendships that I keep up with and we talk quite regularly. out of those, there are a couple that are much closer and, we. Make a point to be like, okay, when could we possibly get together again? Whether that's meeting up in the middle we did when we went to Tennessee with Paige's family, or, last year, she loved me enough to pack up her three children 33 weeks pregnant, I believe. They packed up and drove to Maine. her husband was all about it. He wanted to vacation here, and she'd never been, her grandparents used to live here, so she grew up hearing about it and wanted to see the state. they drove 24 hours to Maine. You have to be willing to put in the work. Sometimes it's really just not doable. But, figure out the things you can do and be willing to put the effort in. It's not always gonna be convenient, but with the friends that really mean the most to you. You're gonna figure out ways to invest in those relationships,

Kristen: 26:19

right? Because it's worth it to you. for some of mine, I have found, Alexis and I, we would schedule calls because she's got multiple kids too. Like you. She homeschools, she's working from home. I work full-time outside of the house and I've got other stuff going on with my son. All of his activities. Sometimes it's hard to pin down. Time. It's hard enough getting your real life friends to get together. And then you got time zones too. And then it's okay, so this is my time for your Australia friend. For me and Alexis, it's just an hour one way. You and me, it's an hour the other way. time zone math is hard, but what I found is we schedule it. So it'll almost be like a date okay, so we're gonna call at this time at this day. So we're already prepared for it, whereas just calling. And then, it's not a good time. Or, I'm busy, or she's busy. sometimes those spontaneous calls are still needed and still happen. But we found that, scheduling time to talk has been good and obviously, texts throughout like Ariel and I'll usually text throughout the week about, whatever we're watching or what we're doing to our nails different friendships require different things. meeting in the middle, Alexis and I have tried to look at like where could we meet together. Ariel and I are going on a book club retreat later this year where we're meeting at a central location. Very excited about that. We'll. Share that on the podcast after. it's looking for those ways and then you've gotta factor in expenses and how you're doing it and plan for it. So it's definitely harder, but I think it's exactly like you said, that the ones that are worth it, you will make the effort for and you will put the work into it because it's worth it.

Kelly: 27:50

Yeah, absolutely. I like that you said that different friendships will require different strategies. like you were talking about scheduling calls I do have a friend, who lives in another state and we have had those moments where she's Hey I wanna FaceTime soon. Can we do it on this day, at this time? we've had to work it out that way. But then there are other friendships that allow more spontaneity. I think of an example. So Paige and her, she has three boys now, but her oldest son, and Ethan get along. They both love Mario for a while, and again, seasons, right? for a season we were scheduling FaceTime play dates. the boys would get on the iPads and they would go, to their room and show each other toys and do whatever little boys do. just get creative. Sometimes it can be fun. you're always gonna have that little bit of oh, If only we could grab a coffee. If only you were closer

Kristen: 28:48

pop in. Yes.

Kelly: 28:49

You have to just make the best of. The season you're in. we often joke about when you move to Maine one day, because when they visited, her husband loved it here and was like, I could absolutely live in Maine. so I joke with her often that you're gonna be my neighbor one day. Just manifest it. You're gonna come to me.

Kristen: 29:06

I think you guys should all be like snowbirds together and live in Maine in the, summer and fall, and then go down to Florida for the winter and spring. I think that's perfect. Sign me up. I will move and live with all of you. Under that arrangement.

Kelly: 29:22

maybe I could handle Florida in the winter time. That's probably the only time.

Kristen: 29:26

Yeah. So we've mentioned the seasons thing a lot, so let's talk about that now. Like, how do you recognize when a friendship is drifting apart? Versus when it needs effort. Like how do you know yeah, it's worth saving this, or it's done the course and I'm okay letting this one go.

Kelly: 29:45

Yeah. I think this is just different friendship to friendship. There are going to be some friendships that are harder to let go of. Then there are going to be some that just naturally start to fade away. I can think of a couple of examples. When I first finished college, I did maintain those friendships for a little while and tried to text and keep up. But then life happens and you're in different seasons. I got married before most of my college friends did. I was in a whole different season of life at that point. they were still single and meeting up for different things in other states. I can't do that now. I'm busy. I have one friendship in particular that we were very close for a long time, long distance, and then I don't know what changed. I think just, life was busy and, maybe we hadn't built a solid of a foundation as other friendships have. I think as you get older too, you realize, It's okay.

Kristen: 30:52

Yeah. Like you don't take it as personally. I feel as I'm getting older. It's not that I focus on what did I do wrong, what could I have done differently. I think it's just the acceptance, like that's just the way life goes. people are in your life. And then they're not, and there's nothing wrong with that. And I think sometimes they fade naturally. for me, I know if I haven't talked to somebody in a while, I almost feel guilty and I'm like I can't write them now'cause I haven't written them 6, 7, 8, whatever months it's been, and oh, they may not wanna hear from me anymore and maybe I should just leave it. And I feel like there's that, when things have run its course, it's just that's okay. Like I, I don't think that it's some, sometimes it's worth putting the effort in and trying to rekindle it. And sometimes it's just no, that person was a great friend for this period of my life, or this. Season that I was in, or this reason that I needed them there for support or I was there for them, And it's moved on, the situation's gone and that's okay.

Kelly: 31:48

Yeah. Same thing for me. When I was, younger, early twenties, I did overthink and try to figure out what happened? I just don't do that anymore. And it's really freeing. it's not to say that you just don't care anymore. I have friendships that have faded that, I will always, care for that person. there are some that I do still from time to time. Even if it's only a couple times a year, I'll just send a, Hey, like, how are you? I hope things are good. I saw X, Y, Z on your Facebook. And, they might text back and we exchange a couple of texts. and that's okay. But I do think that it's also okay to have some of those relationships where you maybe don't text even a couple times a year anymore. And that's okay.

Kristen: 32:41

Yeah, because every friendship is different and the needs of the friendship are different and what you're putting in and getting out can be different too. So as we're coming towards the close, what are some of the best advice you would give somebody struggling with a long distance friendship?

Kelly: 32:59

Again, I just wanna reiterate that if you have someone far away, whether it's always been that way or they've recently become a distant friend, if they are someone that you have been able to share a lot of life with and, really walk through things and when I say that, I mean someone who's. Been there in a way that you've been able to talk with them, not just someone that you see all the time. Someone who really is willing to converse and dive into the nitty gritty of life. Don't just let it go, because it's so rare. It is so rare to have those people. And even when it's hard, it is so worth knowing that you have someone like that who is just a phone call away, they might not be able to come over and you might not be able to plan fun weekend trips to meet in the middle. But having someone who's a phone call away can make life so much less lonely than having a whole community of people that live 20 minutes from you that you. can't really talk to. just be willing to put in the effort. don't underestimate God's ability to provide you with a beautiful community that is nearby. I have experienced that as well. Since we moved here, my best friend is 24 hours away. One of my closest friends I've ever had is on a whole different continent now. But I have been so blessed with a community here, that I've met through various avenues since we moved. I was in a book club when we first moved, and then I've, made friendships at church and been introduced to people in some different ways. I might not call those people my best friend. But we have really beautiful friendships and we are able to get together and let our kids hang out and while we just sit and sip on an op Oh, and kids run around. That's one of my favorite things to do with my friends here. yes, invest in your long distance friendships, but don't write off the ability to have some really awesome friendships nearby. And that, that takes work too. Just finding those friendships. And, creating nearby community, but it's definitely doable.

Kristen: 35:21

And that's what I was gonna say, there's pros and cons to both far away friends and nearby friends, but they are both so important and being able to maintain those relationships I think will give you a more fulfilled friendship feeling when you are able to put the work in and really have it worth it, but still not neglecting the people that are right there near you too. So different friends for different times, like we said, for. Reason for a season and forever. So it always, there's always gonna be people coming in and out of your life and just Be accepting of that and make the most of it.

Kelly: 36:00

Yeah. And one more thing I would add too is if you have a long distant friend who you are very close with, and. You start to feel like maybe there's some, tension, distance growing between you. Don't be afraid to have conversations about that. You know when it's someone near and dear to your heart, it's worth. Just saying, Hey, I know we're both busy and life is crazy right now. I just feel like we're not talking a whole lot. My best friend and I joke that we're very needy friends, but only with each other. it's okay if I don't talk to some of my other friends for a while, but I need you to talk. you get to know each other their needs. and, what each of you needs to feel loved and valued. we had a conversation like that recently where we had just been in this season after the new year of just really busyness, on her end. I. Jokingly said I am feeling really needy, right now. I feel like we're not talking and entered it in a joking manner, but we were able to confront that head on and talk about what was going on in life because it is so easy to get caught up in the busyness of what's here and around us. Not that you're not thinking about the person, but it can be easy to just get caught up and then be like, oh my gosh. Like I haven't talked to her since Monday. And it's now Saturday. And it's rare for us to have a week like that. But when we do. We try to make a point of just setting aside a little bit of time to be like, how are you? What's been going on? it's important to have those vulnerable conversations where you just have to say, Hey, I feel like we need to do a little better. We're not talking like we normally do. keep the conversation flowing. That's the biggest key is just communication.'cause really that's all you have when they're far away.

Kristen: 38:03

Yeah, a hundred percent agree. it's just like any other relationship in your life, communication is really the most important part to it. just make sure you're communicating about your needs, communicating about what you want out of it, and being open and honest. I think those are the keys to a successful long distance friendship.

Kelly: 38:22

I think in our world today with. Social media, we can sometimes let that become a wall between friendships you feel like, oh, I saw that they were doing this today they posted these pictures of the kids and they went here yesterday with their husband. it can be really easy to feel like. We know what's going on. And feel like we're in the loop and talking to them just because we swiped up on their Instagram story and said something about it. it's a careful line we have to walk of not letting those little tidbits that are getting shared on social to replace what's really going on behind the scenes. Knowing those friendships that we want to have a lot of deep authenticity in. Don't let social media replace the real conversations because it's really easy to do.

Kristen: 39:19

Great, and I think that's something we'll probably talk about later too, is all the different social media and how it's not real life and acting like you're a part of somebody's life just because you're seeing what they've got going on their social media doesn't replace actually being a part of their life. So we'll get more into that another time, but a hundred percent agree. Thanks Kelly, so much for coming and talking about long distance friendship. Before we close, did you have any other final comments, anything you wanna share with the listeners?

Kelly: 39:54

If you're dealing with time zones, iPhone has the option to add a world clock to your. clock app. I, have done that for Australia, for the, they're, both of my friends that moved there are both in like the Sydney area, suburbs of Sydney. And so they're, thankfully they're in the same time zone and I'm not having to figure out Oh, that's good. Yeah. Anything super crazy you can add that world clock. And I learned last night that it's helpful to use that more often. I'm like, I just know what time it is. I just sit and think for a second we actually deal with three different time zones there, depending on,'cause they're heading into. Winter and so they were about to fall back and we're gonna spring forward. it doesn't happen at the same time, so we're always 14, 15, or 16 hours apart. Just depending on when it is. in my head I've been able to keep it pretty straight Until last night I was on Instagram and my friend, she was sharing. A bunch of stories. They kept popping up and I finally messaged her and said, why are you awake? as soon as I sent it, I had to stop and I'm like. Oh, because it's 2:00 PM on Sunday there It's 2:00 AM in my head. It was 2:00 AM She responded and was like it's two o'clock and I don't usually take naps.

Kristen: 41:19

I know it's right. Yeah, it is. It's so funny because I've got some friends in Australia and I joke about how they're living in the future.'cause it is, it's like the 14, 15 hours or whatever and I'm like you're already experiencing tomorrow. Like you are living in the future.

Kelly: 41:32

Yeah, my friend's birthday is today, technically in Australia, so there's Monday there and she is 30 today. Yeah. Happy birthday to. But I, when I woke up this morning, I was let me post something on Instagram. About Mikayla's birthday. even though for me, her birthday's tomorrow, it's actually today for her. So weird in my head. But I guess it just means that we get to celebrate her for two days.

Kristen: 42:02

Yes.

Kelly: 42:03

So anyways, if you're not dealing with time

Kristen: 42:06

Timezone math is super hard. All right, Kelly. Thank you so much for being here, and I can't wait to talk to you again. Thanks.